IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is believed that the education system is the most critical factor to the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this belief?

#education #system #factor #development #country #belief
Education
 has long been recognized as a cornerstone of social progress, shaping not only individual futures but
also
 the collective advancement of the nation. It is considered that the
education
 system is essential for the advancement of a country. I completely agree with
this
 viewpoint because an
education
Replace the word
educated
show examples
 populace drives economic growth and fosters
innovation
.
Firstly
, a robust
education
 system contributes to economic growth by creating a skilled workforce.
Education
 individuals are more likely to secure well-paying jobs, which boosts the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy.
For instance
, countries with high literacy rates,
such
 as Germany and Japan,have strong economies driven by their well-educated populations.
Secondly
,
education
 fosters
innovation
 and technological advancement. Educated individuals are better equipped to think critically and solve complex problems. Silicon Valley in the United StatesStates is a prime example of how
education
 and
innovation
 go hand in hand,driving both technological progress and economic success
Moreover
,
education
 promotes social development and reduces inequality. By providing equal access to
education
 countries can bridge the gap between different social classes. In conclusion, the
education
 system is indeed a fundamental factor in the development of the country. It not only drives economic growth and fosters
innovation
 but
also
 promotes social equality.
Therefore
 investing in
education
 should be a top priority for any nation aiming to achieve sustainable development.
Submitted by reemaljuaidi8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring sentences connect more smoothly. For example, using more linking phrases can help improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the idea of social development and inequality a bit more to provide more comprehensive ideas on how education reduces inequality.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant specific examples, such as referencing Germany and Japan, and Silicon Valley.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: