IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that after the child begins his/her schooling their teachers will have more influence than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #child #teachers #influence #parents
Nowadays,
this
 topic is always disputable that after starting kindergarten
children
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more inspired by their teacher rather than guardians.I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
completely agree with
this
 statement and write some words related to
this
 belief. On the one side,there are myriad reasons that infants have been motivated by
teachers
 after
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 education as they have been spending
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of time in school in
constrat
Correct your spelling
contrast
 to home.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
teachers
 can encourage
children
 by providing various tasks and
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
engaging them in numerous cognitive skills activities
thus
,they would get more inspiration from their
teachers
. On the other side,parents have more work pressure and deadlines to complete
as a result
 they don't have enough spare time for their kids.
Moreover
,
modernised
Verb problem
in the modern
show examples
 era there
are proliferate
Verb problem
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
ratio of working women as
metaphor
Add an article
a metaphor
show examples
 to past years and it
would be
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on
upbringing
Add an article
the upbringing
show examples
 of
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 there are
enhanced
Correct article usage
an enhanced
show examples
 number of child care
home
Replace the word
homes
show examples
 for foster and care of
children
 whose parents are working.
To sum up
this
,I would like to stop my pen to say that
children
 should
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 encouraged by both parents and
teachers
.Both are equally responsible for their inspiration even after their child starts schooling.
Submitted by jenny.15121996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are clear and concise. Your introduction should clearly state your position and outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. The conclusion should summarize these points and restate your position.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific and relevant examples to support your points. This can help to illustrate your arguments more effectively and make your essay more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your main points more fully and provide clear and comprehensive explanations. This can help to make your arguments more persuasive and your essay more cohesive.
complete response
Your essay clearly states a position on the topic, which is an important aspect of task achievement.
logical structure
You made a good attempt to organize your ideas into paragraphs, which helps in structuring the essay logically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!