Many developed countries are giving financial aid to poor countries. However, this hasn’t solved the problem of poverty in these nations and so other types of help are needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Recently, many Developing Countries
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
receiving financial
support
from Western Nations
due to
poverty problems or war issues.
However
some voices claim that it is a moral responsibility and
this
support
must keep running, I believe that it did not solve
this
dilemma, and we should consider other solutions.
To begin
with, the reasons behind
this
failure,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are mismanagement, corruption, and lack of knowledge.
For example
, in Egypt, the military
regem
Correct your spelling
regimen
receives numerous
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
from America on
monthly
Correct article usage
a monthly
show examples
basis,
nevertheless
, Egyptians
sill
Correct your spelling
still
show examples
suffer from
unemployemnt
Correct your spelling
unemployment
and inflation,
therefore
, the vast majority keep asking where
this
fund goes.
In addition
, the authorities are relying
heavely
Correct your spelling
heavily
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outside
support
instead
of developing their own resources,
hence
, if
this
aid stops anytime, it will lead to
davastating consequenses
Correct your spelling
devastating consequences
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the local economy and citizens.
For instance
, in Tunisia, the government gets more
support
to ban illegal immigration to Europe,
although
the boats of migrants are still flooding.
On the other hand
, if
this
fund is
under developed
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underdeveloped
show examples
countries
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countries'
country's
show examples
supervision, it will make a real difference in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality.
For instance
, they can invest in education systems and healthcare services, or
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
productive factories,
therefore
, they will solve
unemployement
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unemployment
issues,
addiotionally
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additionally
,
helding
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holding
authorities
under
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apply
show examples
accountable can force them to follow the beneficial ways to enhance the local economy with
these considerable amount
Change the determiner
this considerable amount
these considerable amounts
show examples
of cash
instead
of taking it as a bribe.
For example
, in most developing countries, governments spend their limited resources of money including
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
in
army
Add an article
the army
show examples
just to
keep
Verb problem
stay
show examples
in power.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
,
this
trend has created more drawbacks in terms of making these nations more dependent and ignoring any opportunity to solve poverty issues.
Submitted by abdoo.magicoo on

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General
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Task Achievement
Further develop some points with more detailed examples and explanations. Ensure all aspects of the task prompt are thoroughly addressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
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Task Achievement
Clarify the main argument in the introduction and ensure it is consistently developed throughout the essay. Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points more effectively.
General
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Task Achievement
Relevant examples are included to demonstrate points, showing understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a discernible effort to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial aid
  • development aid
  • sustainable development
  • economic growth
  • vocational training
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure development
  • trade and investment
  • healthcare initiatives
  • technological transfers
  • corruption and governance
  • effective utilization
  • long-term solutions
  • economic disparity
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