IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe that they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Experts
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Experts'
Expert's
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work
Use synonyms
 location has
rison
Correct your spelling
raised
 many debates. Some believe that their occupation must be in the same place of education;
However
Linking Words
, others think that the
work
Use synonyms
 area could be
differ
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different
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 than their university belongs to. I think altering
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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 could be completely beneficial, and the reasons for both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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 will be discussed below. To commence with, some people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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skillful
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skilful
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 individuals must stay in their training area. Based on
this
Linking Words
 opinion, the assets of a country are the
well- educated
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well-educated
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 people,
also
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, the capital of that nation is invested in universities to train youths to serve.
For example
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, in Iran, the government has provided some inhibitive rules to decrease the immigration rate of
high
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highly
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- educated adults;
Moreover
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, these rules are in favor of saving
capital
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the capital
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 of
government
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the government
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 and Iranians.
On the other hand
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, others think that the occupation of experts in other countries
,
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apply
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 is beneficial in many ways. The reason could be about
consistent
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the consistent
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 learning experience, which expands knowledge and
mastry
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mastery
.
Also
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, getting familiar with new cultures
,
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apply
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 is another aspect that must be considered.
For instance
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, one of the ways that a scientific person, like a psychologist, could be helpful is through involvement with other nationalities;
whereas
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, they acquire more knowledge, and at the same time, they improve their
culture- free
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culture-free
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 viewpoints that are the cornerstone of psychology. In a nutshell, there are two viewpoints about well-trained people. Some advocate the opinion which is related to working in the training place, and others believe that changing
work
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 location could be helpful. I heartfully agree with the second one,
due to
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 the expanding of knowledge and experience and getting familiar with
another cultures
Replace the adjective
another culture
other cultures
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.

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task achievement
While your introduction effectively presents both sides of the argument, try to refine the thesis statement for clarity. For example, 'In this essay, I will discuss both views and explain why I believe that altering one's workplace can be highly beneficial.'
task achievement
Ensure that each of your main points is thoroughly supported with relevant examples. For instance, you could provide more diversified examples of professionals working internationally beyond just psychologists.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs for better fluidity. Using phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'In contrast,' can help to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, instead of 'Experts work location has rison many debates,' use 'The working locations of experts have raised many debates.'
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively structures the discussion by addressing each viewpoint separately and concluding with the author's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and provide a clear summary of the discussion.
task achievement
The essay employs relevant and specific examples, particularly the mention of Iran's rules to reduce immigration among highly educated individuals.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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