Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe that they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Experts
Change noun form
Experts'
Expert's
work
location has rison
many debates. Some believe that their occupation must be in the same place of education; Correct your spelling
raised
However
, others think that the work
area could be differ
than their university belongs to. I think altering Replace the word
different
work place
could be completely beneficial, and the reasons for both Correct your spelling
workplace
view
will be discussed below.
To commence with, some people believe that Change to a plural noun
views
the
Correct article usage
apply
skillful
individuals must stay in their training area. Based on Change the spelling
skilful
this
opinion, the assets of a country are the well- educated
people, Correct your spelling
well-educated
also
, the capital of that nation is invested in universities to train youths to serve. For example
, in Iran, the government has provided some inhibitive rules to decrease the immigration rate of high
- educated adults; Replace the word
highly
Moreover
, these rules are in favor of saving capital
of Correct article usage
the capital
government
and Iranians.
Correct article usage
the government
On the other hand
, others think that the occupation of experts in other countries,
is beneficial in many ways. The reason could be about Remove the comma
apply
consistent
learning experience, which expands knowledge and Add an article
the consistent
mastry
. Correct your spelling
mastery
Also
, getting familiar with new cultures,
is another aspect that must be considered. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, one of the ways that a scientific person, like a psychologist, could be helpful is through involvement with other nationalities; whereas
, they acquire more knowledge, and at the same time, they improve their culture- free
viewpoints that are the cornerstone of psychology.
In a nutshell, there are two viewpoints about well-trained people. Some advocate the opinion which is related to working in the training place, and others believe that changing Correct your spelling
culture-free
work
location could be helpful. I heartfully agree with the second one, due to
the expanding of knowledge and experience and getting familiar with another cultures
.Replace the adjective
another culture
other cultures
Submitted by aksoysana on
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task achievement
While your introduction effectively presents both sides of the argument, try to refine the thesis statement for clarity. For example, 'In this essay, I will discuss both views and explain why I believe that altering one's workplace can be highly beneficial.'
task achievement
Ensure that each of your main points is thoroughly supported with relevant examples. For instance, you could provide more diversified examples of professionals working internationally beyond just psychologists.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs for better fluidity. Using phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'In contrast,' can help to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, instead of 'Experts work location has rison many debates,' use 'The working locations of experts have raised many debates.'
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively structures the discussion by addressing each viewpoint separately and concluding with the author's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and provide a clear summary of the discussion.
task achievement
The essay employs relevant and specific examples, particularly the mention of Iran's rules to reduce immigration among highly educated individuals.