IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young peopl living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems

#cities #world #peopl
Over the half of the
last
 century,
cities
, particularly in developed countries, have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
grown.
However
,
this
 increase has led to serious problems that young people are facing.
This
 essay will address some issues associated with these problems and introduce potential solutions.
Firstly
, the expansion of major
cities
 has
a serious effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
serious effects
a serious effect
show examples
. One of these effects is the low quality of life.
Due to
 the high demand for land in major
cities
, living there is extremely challenging. The cost of housing and food is high, which means that people need to cut costs and spend less money on leisure activities, resulting in a lower quality of life.
Additionally
,
due to
this
 development, there is an increase in the amount of
waste
. The main reason is that more people are generating more rubbish and pollutants, which must be disposed of in landfills. It is crucial to take measures to address these problems.
Initially
, governments play a crucial role because they should carefully plan the distribution of
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
show examples
 to ensure
efficient
Correct article usage
the efficient
show examples
 use of
cities
.
Moreover
, they could launch less
waste
 campaigns with the purpose
to reduce
Change preposition
of reducing
show examples
waste
 and
foster
Wrong verb form
fostering
show examples
 a responsible society that cares for the environment.
Furthermore
, it is essential to introduce laws that require companies to manage
waste
 properly.
To sum up
, the expansion of major
cities
 has serious consequences
such
 as a low quality of life and increased
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pollution, which can be tackled with action adopted by the government.
Firstly
, it is important to establish recycling campaigns and policies related to the management of
waste
.
Submitted by jennitobon16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Develop your main points with more specific examples and details. For instance, mention particular cities or real-life instances where the high cost of living impacts young people.
other
Improve the grammar and variety of sentence structures to elevate the clarity and sophistication of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Work on the conclusion to reinforce the solutions discussed and succinctly summarize the essay's key points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion effectively.
task response
The main points, such as low quality of life and pollution, are generally supported and tied to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high cost of living
  • financial stress
  • affordable housing
  • population boom
  • job market saturation
  • underemployment
  • mental health
  • stress, anxiety, and depression
  • subsidies
  • tax rebates
  • minimum wage
  • affordable housing
  • entrepreneurship
  • skill development programs
  • diverse range of industries
  • mental health facilities
  • community networks
  • isolation
  • urban residents
What to do next:
Look at other essays: