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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high schol programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #schol #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
In
this
 modern world, a group of people agree with the belief that
kids
 should be volunteered at specific factors of the society so that they will improve their skills; empathy, communication, and debate.
Additionally
, it will be a chance to enhance their community or
educating to
Wrong verb form
educate
show examples
 others
what
Change preposition
on what
show examples
 they are good at. From my perspective, I undeniably agree with the statement with some reasons and examples.
To begin
 with, the latest generations namely Z and Alpha are likely to
remain
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 through
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
numerous volunteers at the specific community or charity or non-profit companies so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these days, more and more schools are mainly focusing on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteering programs for all factors that
kids
 are deeply interested in.
Furthermore
, it would be a great chance to verify their future occupation and explore more about their occupation so that they can quit fluctuating
bewteen
Correct your spelling
between
 2 or 3 jobs to choose one of them and pay much attention to it.
For example
, I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
voluuntered
Correct your spelling
volunteered
 at
Correct article usage
an english
show examples
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 teaching school in our town and I was fluctuating between economics and linguistics,
however
, after I finished me
voluunteering
Correct your spelling
volunteering
, I found out that I was more into teaching and communicating, so I chose linguistics and teaching.
On the other hand
, students can
remain
Correct your spelling
retain
show examples
 a lot of
experiences
 through watching or reading documentaries or movies about the specific factors so that they can replace
thier
Correct your spelling
their
experiences
 with blogs and movies.
Furthermore
, they
also
 can focus on their studies, get grades, and universities not
worrying
Wrong verb form
worry
show examples
 about volunteering at charities or companies so that they can achieve their goals without any doubts.
Also
, it has become rare to find the exact interested volunteering company because as population increases, employment has reached the sky so it takes so long to be temporarily one part of the company.
For instance
, UNICEF is accepting
lower
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
 volunteering students rather than
Change preposition
in past
show examples
past
Change preposition
in past
show examples
 years because a lot of
kids
 are choosing to major
Change preposition
in humanities
show examples
humanities
Change preposition
in humanities
show examples
 so they are accepting
kids
 as much as possible
due to
 overpopulation.
To sum up
,
although
 it would be adequate to
voluunter
Correct your spelling
volunteer
 at companies to go through all of
experiences
Correct pronoun usage
their experiences
show examples
,
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some ways, it is
unnecessary
Add an article
an unnecessary
show examples
 way to
emhance
Correct your spelling
enhance
 their skills.
Submitted by nazim200709 on

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language
Work on spelling and proofreading to eliminate typos and improve overall readability.
content
Although you provide relevant examples, make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your thesis. Sometimes your points seem a bit scattered.
coherence
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth to improve the logical flow.
structure
Your essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument clearly.
content
Examples given to support your arguments are relevant and help to clarify your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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