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Band 4.5

Percentage of respondents expressing an interest in certain sports

#percentage #respondents #interest #sports
The table compares the percentage of
people
 interested in various sports in Europe in three years, namely 1999, 2004 and 2009.
Overall
,it is readily apparent that walking is the most popular sport throughout all statistical data.
However
,
people
 lack interest in golf, which has
least
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
number
Correct word choice
lowest number
show examples
 in three years. In 1995, walking was the most popular activity, chosen by 40% of the survey participants,
while
 playing snooker and tennis accounted for around 30%.
In contrast
, about 23% of
people
 chose swimming,
while
 only 18% said they were interested in golf. Meanwhile, approximately 25% of survey respondents chose rugby as their preferred sport. In 2005, slightly more
people
 preferred walking, with the figure rising to just under 45%, but there was a significant decline in the figures for tennis and snooker, to about 22% each. The figures for golf remained the same, at around 15%, as opposed to the figures for swimming and rugby, which experienced considerable gains in popularity to over 25% each.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider including a more formal conclusion summarizing the key points about sports preferences trends over the years.
task achievement
Expanding on why certain sports gained or lost popularity over time could offer greater insights and support your main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Using more varied linking words and phrases can further enhance the flow of information between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The introduction of the table and the overall trend is clear and well-stated.
coherence cohesion
The information is logically structured, with a chronological progression through the years.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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