IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

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Multiple countries have adopted a new position regarding smoke in public areas, making it not allowed. Nations dictaminate
that is
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 only far for every citizen, that smokers should leave a space if they wish to enjoy a cigarette.
This
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 essay slightly agrees with the new position adopted,
to begin
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 with, I understand the rights of
people
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 who want to enjoy a cigar in open spaces, even though in public areas.
However
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, I am aware of the risks related to cigarettes and how these impact
people
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 around the smoker, especially children.
Firstly
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, as I mentioned before, I understand smoker’s point of view, is their right to enjoy a cigarette in open spaces,
such
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 as parks, lakes and natural environments. Of course, it should be taken into consideration by
people
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 around and apply common sense,
for instance
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, a smoker should avoid smoke in a park beside a kinder garden. In these cases, smokers should understand and respect the bans.
On the other hand
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, I am aware of the risks related to cigarettes,
therefore
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,
this
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 essay agrees with the position taken by the countries. There is a concept called “Passive Smoking”,
this
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 means that
people
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 around a smoker (called "Passive smokers") will inhale the smoke, impacting negatively on their health as well. Is, mainly,
for
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this
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 reason, that I believe that smoking in public areas should be banned, especially, if there are children present.
To conclude
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, even though I can understand the smoker’s rights,
this
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 essay agrees with the ban. From my personal point of view, the drawbacks and negative aspects overweight the smoker’s wishes.

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task achievement
To further enhance task response, ensure that you discuss both perspectives (supporting and opposing) more evenly. While the essay mentions smokers' rights, it leans heavily towards the health risks. Balancing this discussion will strengthen the response.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, refer to studies or statistics about the impact of passive smoking on health to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence and cohesion by using more transitional phrases and connectors between sentences and paragraphs. This will make the essay flow more smoothly and logically.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and sophisticated. This will contribute positively to both coherence and task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically organized and each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides a personal stance on the issue.
task achievement
The author demonstrates an understanding of both sides of the argument, which shows depth in the response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • cardiovascular disease
  • clean air
  • public health
  • hospital admissions
  • economic benefits
  • smoking cessation
  • cultural shift
  • healthcare costs
  • smoke-free laws
  • enforcement
  • designated smoking areas
  • compliance
  • social attitudes
What to do next:
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