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Band 5

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
Nowadays, there is a significant rising popularity of social
media
 which has reduced attention spans. There are some reasons to blame digital
media
 platforms for
this
 phenomenon. Personally, I will support
this
 argument with several reasons outlined here. Perhaps, one major reason for
this
.
Firstly
, social
media
 is designed as entertainment to deplete our
time
.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because there are many interest futures which can release a saturation point at any
time
.
As a result
, focusing on social
media
 can change the habit of spending
time
together with
 friends to become an introverted person.
Secondly
, platform digital can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 an
addicted
Replace the word
addictive
show examples
 effect. Where
this
 influence can aggravate their mental health, it is because many
people
 are
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 and they change to be toxic to others
Therefore
,
people
 should not play social
media
 excessively. Conservely, online
media
 is not completely responsible for shortening attention spans. Because digital platforms can be used for long-distance communication to connect friends and families.
For instance
,
people
 who live far from their families still can interact by video call on
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
, zoom, or
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
.
In addition
, digital
media
 provides a lot of
information
 about daily life. If we compare
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 era
than in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the past,
people
 like to share
information
 directly
while
 societies today can get
information
 just by smartphones
such
 as
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
 or
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
. In summary, it seems to me that
media
 social is worth implementing because of the positive impacts that
people
 can gain including communication and
information
.
This
 is as long as they can control their
time
 and mental health in daily life.
Submitted by k a l l a on

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task achievement
In order to strengthen the task achievement, try to provide more relevant and specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph clearly communicates a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the one before. Use transition words for better flow and connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Although you have well-defined sections, try to improve support for your main points. Consistently provide examples and reinforce your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which structure the response well.
complete response
The essay touches on both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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