Being a celebrity –such as a famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
It is commonly acknowledged that being a famous person has some benefits.
For example
, sports stars recieve
extremely high salaries and get benefits Correct your spelling
receive
such
as having dinner with their president. Otherwise
, there are several demits to being a celebritity
. Correct your spelling
celebrity
This
essay will elaborate the both aspects before a conclusion is drawn.
First of all, in terms of advantages, when theny
become top stars in Correct your spelling
they
Correct article usage
the moive
moive
industry, they will earn large money from the public and their entertainment companies. Correct your spelling
movie
In these
days, they can get some money by wearing exclusive brand clothes Change preposition
These
such
as Dior, Chanel and Fendi. It makes the percentage of purchasing their items increase considerably. This
is becasue
when Correct your spelling
because
the
celebrities show certain items to Correct article usage
apply
public
naturally, it makes the individuals Correct article usage
the public
to
buy them which are influencers' belongings. The stars are invited to huge Change the verb form
apply
festival
Change the noun form
festivals
such
as Cahn movie
, Grammy Awards and various fashion shows. They get pricey things Fix the agreement mistake
movies
such
as iPhone
, expensive bags, Fix the agreement mistake
iPhones
super cars
for free and just use Correct your spelling
supercars
it
.
Correct pronoun usage
them
However
, there are many disadvantages to being well-known
face to the public. Once they become famous, they will be deprived Correct article usage
a well-known
their
private daily life. A paparazzi always follows them and takes pictures every moment. They need to think of their conditions Change preposition
of their
such
as what they are eating, having, and enjoying. In addition
, they consider about
their friends and family. Their personal relationships will Change preposition
apply
reveal
to the world. Wrong verb form
be revealed
This
mean
they can not live privately. The news will publish Change the verb form
means
plent
of information about their daily life.
In conclusion, I think that the demerits outweigh the benefits. Being a popular person is one of the Correct your spelling
plenty
buketlists
for many people. Correct your spelling
bucket lists
However
, after that, they will stress out from the
everything. Whatever they do, they might get negative comments from anti-fans. Correct article usage
apply
Likewise
, they should endure annoying situations such
as being gossip and so on. If someone want
to a be famous star, she or he Change the verb form
wants
need
to forgive a lot of Change the verb form
needs
part
of their Fix the agreement mistake
parts
lifes
.Correct your spelling
lives
Submitted by jeong9962 on
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task response
Expand on your main points more comprehensively.
task response
Develop a stronger thesis statement to clearly convey your stand.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph transitions to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
task response
The essay addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of being a celebrity, which shows a balanced argument.
task response
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, like mentioning specific brands and events.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion, which is important for the essay’s structure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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