Some people think the the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, instead of benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many
individuals
believe that must aim to teach students how to become nice citizens
and workforces rather than improve them as human beings. I completely disagree with this
statement and I will explain my position by analyzing how helping children
as individuals
will impact the community furthermore
how disrespectful could be otherwise
.
Firstly
, in my opinion, while
teaching children
as individuals
fostering
their abilities and desires, the community will be positively affected. Wrong verb form
fosters
For instance
, Studies have shown that countries where people
develop the abilities they need to make their dreams real are happier than the ones where people
is
taught to obey. Change the verb form
are
As a result
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
people
who enhance their human being are happy to coexist with others
Correct quantifier usage
other
citizens
and i
some cases work hard.
Correct your spelling
in
On the other hand
, it is rude to teach children
to be part of a system that they don't like. For
example
countries Add a comma
example,
such
as Cuba or North korea
where Change the capitalization
Korea
people
learn what governments want to teach them. In this
Correct determiner usage
these
countries
some Add a comma
countries,
people
could take violent actions against the system or even more they are willing to leave the country by any mean
.Fix the agreement mistake
means
Besides
that, they are not happy to live together, they don't want to be good citizens
and most of them are unhappy because they feel that the government doesn't respect them as humans.
To conclude
, I strongly disagree with the statement that schools must teach children
how to become good citizens
and workers. That is
desrespectful
Correct your spelling
disrespectful
with
their humanity. Change preposition
to
In
contrast
I think that supporting them as Add a comma
contrast,
individuals
will improve not only their level of life but the country in general will face an improvement.Submitted by otiyog on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your main argument and outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point in a separate paragraph to maintain a clear structure. Use more linking words to show the connection between your ideas.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific and detailed examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
task response
Your essay clearly takes a position and maintains this stance throughout, which is good for task response.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your main points.