Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own idea.

In
this
competitive era
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
proliferated to attract more customers
in addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
people
think that it is extremely popular for
spread
Replace the word
spreading
show examples
awareness about
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
whrere
Correct your spelling
where
as some
people
believe that it is not an extraordinary thing for captivation. Advertisement is the bridge between
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
customers and manufacturers and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
a crucial role
to provide
Change preposition
in providing
show examples
knowledge about the new
launching
Wrong verb form
launched
show examples
products in order to engage new consumers.
Moreover
, some digital platform proves to be beneficial to spread awareness about some diseases.
For instance
, some celebrities are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertise
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
and suggesting society
to do
Verb problem
should
show examples
not smoke or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chew
tabacco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
as it is hazardous for life.
Lastly
,digital media connects a myriad
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
as a result
one can
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
it
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
marketing purposes and earn
manifolds
Fix the agreement mistake
manifold
show examples
amounts and it will be helpful in gaining in
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. There are numerous reasons that
people
feel that advertisements are not good for them.
Firstly
,it can
influenced
Change the verb form
influence
show examples
a
juveline
Correct your spelling
javelina
and they will become
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
stubborn to buy
Correct article usage
the exact
show examples
exact
Correct article usage
the exact
show examples
things which are shown in advertisements.
Secondly
,it will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative impacts on
humanbeing
Correct your spelling
humans
such
as they might become
spendthrift
Fix the agreement mistake
spendthrifts
show examples
as a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
they would get more stress and anxiety.
Lastly
,some
people
buy things
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
show off and enhance their status and it will
be harmed to
Wrong verb form
harm
show examples
their credit scores. In conclusion,every coin has two sides,
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
should
have been
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
careful
while
watching unnecessary offers on advertisements
Add the comma(s)
, in contrast,
show examples
in contrast
should have to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
benifical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
messages in mind which are good for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
health.
Submitted by jenny.15121996 on

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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity of your ideas by using simpler and more precise language. There are several grammatical errors, such as verb tense inaccuracies and incorrect word forms, that make your essay harder to understand.
coherence cohesion
Create a more detailed outline before writing to help structure your essay in a logical way. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, and supporting sentences should flow naturally from it. Some sentences jump between ideas without clear transitions, which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. In the current draft, the examples provided are rather general. Examples with more specific details will better illustrate your points and make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay covers both viewpoints and gives an overall conclusion, which is a good practice.
task achievement
You have taken effort to introduce relevant ideas, such as how advertising can spread awareness about health issues, which shows an awareness of the broader implications of advertising.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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