In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?
In
many years Change preposition
For
people
has
lived with collectivism, but Change the verb form
have
last
centuries have been advertising with individualism. And
I think it is Correct word choice
apply
Correct article usage
a succesfully
succesfully
step for Correct your spelling
successfully
successful
next
human revolution, but other Correct article usage
the next
people
did not think so
Change preposition
apply
this
situation, why?
When people
begin our
Correct pronoun usage
their
wild life
, they need to Correct your spelling
wildlife
securite
for living, eating, sleeping and other needs. Correct your spelling
secure
That
time every person Change preposition
At that
understand
Wrong verb form
understood
would
be together all Correct pronoun usage
that would
own
actions. After Correct pronoun usage
their own
billion
years Correct article usage
a billion
this
mean
stayed with new aims but one day Correct subject-verb agreement
means
another
societs did not do as Correct quantifier usage
other
usually
and into there born Change the word
usual
steve jobs
, Correct your spelling
Steve Jobs
mark
sukerberg, or Capitalize word
Mark
elon
mask.
Change the capitalization
Elon
Furthermore
, when people
work individual
which as Change the word
individually
school
, college, Change preposition
in school
university
. They can try for future innovation as Correct word choice
and university
childhood
dream. Add an article
a childhood
Truely
everyone Correct your spelling
Truly
need
to family, but nowadays one intelligence would help all society. Change the verb form
needs
For
example
every society Add a comma
example,
have
different issues: Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Correct your spelling
unemployment
unemployeement
, economic crisis and other things and Correct your spelling
unemployment
that
time individuals can save Change preposition
at that
own
family, society and country too Correct pronoun usage
their own
such
as li kuan yew principes or teodor
Change the capitalization
Teodor
rusvelt
solutions
So, nowadays every collectivism must give Correct your spelling
result
the
way Correct article usage
apply
Correct your spelling
individualism
individuals
individulism
and Change preposition
to individulism
then
will be
together other essential communication with Verb problem
bring
people
#oysanam
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Make sure to have a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be well-developed.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence and flow of your ideas. Currently, the transitions between ideas are not smooth, making it difficult to follow your arguments. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Currently, the examples mentioned are too general and do not effectively illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Focus on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Your essay should present clear and well-supported arguments rather than briefly mentioning multiple points.
task achievement
You have attempted to address the task by discussing both individualism and collectivism. This is a good start and shows your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a willingness to engage with complex ideas and present a personal opinion, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.