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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The graph shows below the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows below the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The presented line graphs elucidate information about the development of buying places in one country from 2100 to 2018.
Overall
, it can be seen that the amount of shopping
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 that close and new were decreased. In 2011, there were approximately 6.500
marketplace
Change to a plural noun
marketplaces
show examples
 that
cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
show examples
 maintain their presence.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of grand opening
shops
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 around 8,500. After that,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2012 to 2014
shops closure
Fix the agreement mistake
shop closures
show examples
 had fluctuations
whereas
shops
Fix the agreement mistake
shop
show examples
opening
Replace the word
openings
show examples
 rapidly increased and reached a peak
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. The amount of those two figures
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 at roughly 6.000. In 2015, almost every shopping place could continue
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 activities, even though the improvement was minimal. The development of opening and closing
shops
 in 2016 and 2017
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained steady at 4.000 and 5.000 respectively and
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moderately declined to 3.000 in 2018 for
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 of shopping and minimally rose to around 5.000 for
closures
Replace the word
closing
show examples
shops
.
Submitted by yoke.meiliadewayanti on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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