IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Some individuals are of the opinion that it is
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
 to ban dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 there still
occurs
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some reservations that athletes should have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to go for any
sports
Use synonyms
 they want. From
this
Linking Words
 writer's perspective,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 wholly believe that it is better for them to
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 decisions on any activities they
keen
Add a missing verb
are keen
show examples
 on.
This
Linking Words
 essay will expound upon
this
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 by giving compelling reasons and practical examples. On the one hand, it is undeniable that banning unsafety
sports
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 several benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if it is impossible to play these
sports
Use synonyms
, athletes could avoid injury.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may live economically
due to
Linking Words
 saving a huge cost of curing
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
accidents when playing dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of the greatest soccer
players
Use synonyms
 of all time, called Messi was injured in recent years and it
compromise
Wrong verb form
compromised
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his walking ability;
furthermore
Linking Words
, he had to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 a large amount of money to cure his broken leg.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are tons of activities that play an
indispensible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
 role in daily life. Specifically, dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 in them a sense of responsibility and discipline.
Thus
Linking Words
, from their maturing experience
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they learned,
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 might easily face problems without giving up,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to comfortable accomplishing challenges. An example relevant to
this
Linking Words
 situation is playing basketball could cause
players
Use synonyms
'
ankle
Fix the agreement mistake
ankles
show examples
 to be twisted,
suprisingly
Correct your spelling
Surprisingly
, most
players
Use synonyms
responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible
show examples
 for that kind of accident, and never
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 up,
along
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
invest all of their effort to contribute to achieving game-winners. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 people who support banning unsafety
sports
Use synonyms
 have their own understandable arguments,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally lean
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 those who believe everyone can decide to do any
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 or
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
, as long as that action is controllable, it is beneficial to
players
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as making them a sense of responsibility, getting used to facing challenges and completing problems more easily.

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task achievement
The introduction addresses the prompt and introduces both perspectives. However, it is important to correct minor grammatical errors for better clarity and coherence. For example, instead of 'i wholly believe,' use 'I wholly believe.'
task achievement
The conclusion summarizes the main arguments effectively but should be more concise. It repeats some points already discussed. Try to provide a final thought that reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
The essay should aim to provide more balanced arguments for both views. The argument that supports the idea that dangerous sports should be banned could be further developed. Try to add more specific examples or data to support your assertions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'On the contrary' to connect your ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of the paragraph. This will help the reader quickly grasp the main points.
coherence cohesion
Include counterarguments in each paragraph where applicable to show a balanced discussion. This will also demonstrate a thorough understanding of both perspectives.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and provides arguments and examples to support this view.
task achievement
The writer successfully elucidates the benefits of both banning dangerous sports and allowing people the freedom to engage in them, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the arguments made in the body paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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