Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Some individuals are of the opinion that it is
more safe
to ban dangerous Replace the words
safer
sports
, while
there still occurs
some reservations that athletes should have Verb problem
apply
Correct article usage
the rights
rights
to go for any Fix the agreement mistake
right
sports
they want. From this
writer's perspective, i
wholly believe that it is better for them to Change the capitalization
I
have
decisions on any activities they Verb problem
make
keen
on. Add a missing verb
are keen
This
essay will expound upon this
by giving compelling reasons and practical examples.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that banning unsafety sports
have
several benefits. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Firstly
, if it is impossible to play these sports
, athletes could avoid injury. Therefore
, they may live economically due to
saving a huge cost of curing from
accidents when playing dangerous Change preposition
apply
sports
. For instance
, one of the greatest soccer players
of all time, called Messi was injured in recent years and it compromise
Wrong verb form
compromised
on
his walking ability; Change preposition
apply
furthermore
, he had to spent
a large amount of money to cure his broken leg.
Change the verb
spend
On the other hand
, there are tons of activities that play an indispensible
role in daily life. Specifically, dangerous Correct your spelling
indispensable
sports
instill
in them a sense of responsibility and discipline. Change the spelling
instil
Thus
, from their maturing experience which
they learned, Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
might easily face problems without giving up, Correct word choice
that they
it
leads to comfortable accomplishing challenges. An example relevant to Correct pronoun usage
which
this
situation is playing basketball could cause players
' ankle
to be twisted, Fix the agreement mistake
ankles
suprisingly
, most Correct your spelling
Surprisingly
players
responsible
for that kind of accident, and never Add a missing verb
are responsible
giving
up, Wrong verb form
give
along
with
invest all of their effort to contribute to achieving game-winners.
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
although
people who support banning unsafety sports
have their own understandable arguments, i
totally lean Change the capitalization
I
on
those who believe everyone can decide to do any Change preposition
with
sports
or Fix the agreement mistake
sport
activities
, as long as that action is controllable, it is beneficial to Fix the agreement mistake
activity
players
such
as making them a sense of responsibility, getting used to facing challenges and completing problems more easily.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The introduction addresses the prompt and introduces both perspectives. However, it is important to correct minor grammatical errors for better clarity and coherence. For example, instead of 'i wholly believe,' use 'I wholly believe.'
task achievement
The conclusion summarizes the main arguments effectively but should be more concise. It repeats some points already discussed. Try to provide a final thought that reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
The essay should aim to provide more balanced arguments for both views. The argument that supports the idea that dangerous sports should be banned could be further developed. Try to add more specific examples or data to support your assertions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'On the contrary' to connect your ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of the paragraph. This will help the reader quickly grasp the main points.
coherence cohesion
Include counterarguments in each paragraph where applicable to show a balanced discussion. This will also demonstrate a thorough understanding of both perspectives.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and provides arguments and examples to support this view.
task achievement
The writer successfully elucidates the benefits of both banning dangerous sports and allowing people the freedom to engage in them, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the arguments made in the body paragraphs.