IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

People in former times used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #times #life
In the past times
people
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
liked to live with
another
Correct pronoun usage
one another
show examples
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 helped
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other. Nowadays,
due to
 the development of
technology
 and
literature
Add a comma
literature,
show examples
 most of them are willing to live a lonely life. Now, I fully agree with
this
 statement by giving the
below mentioned
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
show examples
 points.
Firstly
,
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
 times most of the
people
have
Verb problem
were
show examples
 not educated well
also
 most of them
were stayed
Change to the active voice
stayed
have stayed
show examples
 in rural areas. So that, they were met with
another
Correct pronoun usage
one another
show examples
 adequately and
helping to
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 each other. Because, that time no any
technology
 development
people
 are spending time with relatives, friends and their acquaintances. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
houses
Add an article
the houses
show examples
 were located near to near in rural and
suburb
Replace the word
suburban
show examples
 areas
this
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 one of the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
to meet
Change preposition
of meeting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 frequently
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other.
Secondly
, at present the world is growing due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 development of
technology
. Most of the
people
 are well educated
also
 their thinking is entirely different
to compare
Change the verb form
compared
show examples
 with the past
people
. Some of them are migrating
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 urban areas and staying in the
flat
Fix the agreement mistake
flats
show examples
 and separate
accommodation
Fix the agreement mistake
accommodations
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication has
fostered
Add a missing verb
been fostered
show examples
 through mobile phones and
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
,
thus
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are spending
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of time on it
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
are perceiving
Wrong verb form
perceive
show examples
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
show examples
 life has given very comfort and give more delight.
To sum up
,
due to
 the growth of
technology
 and education
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 and characters
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 changed
also
 depleting the helping mind to each other. All countries are entirely
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on their public.
Hence
people
 should change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 and cultivate their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 to helping each other
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will give a good
beneficial
Replace the word
benefit
show examples
 to the both country and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction should briefly outline your main points and clearly state your position. Remove unnecessary filler to make your argument clearer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops one main idea. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This can make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Focus on expressing your ideas more clearly. Avoid ambiguous language and ensure that your arguments are easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You provided a reasonable comparison between past and present times, which is relevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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