Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

There is no doubt that these days
technology
plays an important role in our
life
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lives
show examples
.
In numerous
Change preposition
Numerous
show examples
aspects of our
life
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lives
show examples
,
such
as transport, communications, medicine and education systems all depend on
computer
technology
.
Although certain
Correct word choice
Certain
show examples
individuals believe that our reliance on
computer
technology
and
intellegent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
machines in these fields has created
dangerous
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a dangerous
show examples
situation. Others, including myself, argue that there are a lot of positive sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
involving
technology
in our life.
I think the major hazard that
make
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makes
show examples
opponents afraid of depending on computers, because of security problems.
For instance
,
users
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users'
user's
show examples
personal information being leaked on the internet and hacking attacks. These attacks may lead to losing backup
data
that
stored
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is stored
show examples
in
virtual
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a virtual
the virtual
show examples
database on the internet. Please make a separate paragraph from here.
However
, all of these problems could be solved.
Firstly
, the security and safety problems
easy
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are easy
show examples
to fix by installing defence systems on computers to prevent hackers from accessing crucial information.
In addition
, there are
number
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a number
the number
show examples
of companies that provide cloud storage with multiple backup plans to easily restore
losed
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lost
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data
and provide available
data
all the time.
Moreover
, depending on
computer
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computers
show examples
in dealing with big
data
, millions number of
data
,
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apply
show examples
is
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are
show examples
faster and more accurate.
In conclusion.
while
there
valid
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are valid
show examples
arguments on both sides the
positaves outwight
Correct your spelling
positives outweigh
the negatives of using
computer
technology
.
Technology
is still developing and a lot of errors
being
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are being
show examples
fixed over
years
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the years
show examples
.
Therefore
, I strongly support using
technology
and new innovations
such
as
,
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apply
show examples
artificial
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
to improve different fields and enhance our ways of living.
Submitted by hguwfhkd on

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task achievement
Your essay begins with a good introduction that presents the topic and your stance effectively. However, make sure to further develop your points with more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provide clear transitions between points to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Work on incorporating more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas. This will help achieve a more complete response to the question.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors in order to present a more polished essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is effective but consider rounding it out with a brief summary of your main points for a stronger end.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents your perspective effectively.
task achievement
You provide a balanced viewpoint by acknowledging the potential dangers of relying on computer technology and offering solutions to these problems.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, making it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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