IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the present situation, fewer small age individuals are willing to read the
newspapers
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 and watch the
news
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 on
television
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. The main reason behind
this
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 is
technology
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 development.
Initially
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, nowadays the
technology
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 has grown to sky level. Most teenagers are spending
time
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 on social websites
also
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 all
news
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 is updated instantly on social websites.
Hence
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, they don’t have much interest in
newspapers
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 and
television
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.
In addition
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, there is a lack of interest among the
youngsters
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for
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apply
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to know about
the
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apply
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world events. They are more keen to spend their
time
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 for entertainment.
Hence
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,
youngsters
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 many
of
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apply
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them
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apply
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give their precious
time
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 to
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 and other activities.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 has turned
the
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apply
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people
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 especially
youngsters
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 in
different
Add an article
a different
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direction
Fix the agreement mistake
directions
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.
However
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, there is no way to stop
technology
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 development, but parents and guardians should monitor their children and recommend them to watch
news
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 on
television
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also
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 read
newspapers
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 daily.
This
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 can
change
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 their attitude and there might be a chance
of
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that
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 young
people
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 will
change
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 their routine life.
Also
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, the press should try to publish some interesting cover stories, which is possible to enthral the
youngsters
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 to read their
newspapers
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. To illustrate, in my country, the media has published a crime story in their
newspapers
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 as a daily routine.
Thus
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, most teenage
people
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 have bought
this
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 newspaper for reading purposes.
To conclude
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,
due to
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 the gigantic development of
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technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
youngsters
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are
Verb problem
do
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 not have much interest in watching the
news
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 in
papers
Correct your spelling
newspapers
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 and
television
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. It’s unstoppable for growing
technology
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, whilst,
people
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 must
change
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 their attitude. They can
change
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 their lifestyle and spend
time
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
television
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 and reading
newspapers
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this
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 will give some relaxation and
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
 for
youngsters
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task clearly and fully. Provide a deeper analysis of the causes and offer multiple solutions to the issue. Also, make sure your examples are specific and relevant.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that relates directly to the main topic. Also, refine your logical structure so that your arguments build on each other in a more compelling way.
task response
The essay maintains a clear focus on the given topic, discussing both causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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