IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #newspapers #news #tv
In the present situation, fewer small age individuals are willing to read the
newspapers
 and watch the
news
 on
television
. The main reason behind
this
 is
technology
 development.
Initially
, nowadays the
technology
 has grown to sky level. Most teenagers are spending
time
 on social websites
also
 all
news
 is updated instantly on social websites.
Hence
, they don’t have much interest in
newspapers
 and
television
.
In addition
, there is a lack of interest among the
youngsters
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to know about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world events. They are more keen to spend their
time
 for entertainment.
Hence
,
youngsters
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
give their precious
time
 to
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and other activities.
Furthermore
,
technology
 has turned
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 especially
youngsters
 in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
direction
Fix the agreement mistake
directions
show examples
.
However
, there is no way to stop
technology
 development, but parents and guardians should monitor their children and recommend them to watch
news
 on
television
also
 read
newspapers
 daily.
This
 can
change
 their attitude and there might be a chance
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 young
people
 will
change
 their routine life.
Also
, the press should try to publish some interesting cover stories, which is possible to enthral the
youngsters
 to read their
newspapers
. To illustrate, in my country, the media has published a crime story in their
newspapers
 as a daily routine.
Thus
, most teenage
people
 have bought
this
 newspaper for reading purposes.
To conclude
,
due to
 the gigantic development of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
youngsters
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have much interest in watching the
news
 in
papers
Correct your spelling
newspapers
show examples
 and
television
. It’s unstoppable for growing
technology
, whilst,
people
 must
change
 their attitude. They can
change
 their lifestyle and spend
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
television
 and reading
newspapers
this
 will give some relaxation and
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
 for
youngsters
.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task clearly and fully. Provide a deeper analysis of the causes and offer multiple solutions to the issue. Also, make sure your examples are specific and relevant.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that relates directly to the main topic. Also, refine your logical structure so that your arguments build on each other in a more compelling way.
task response
The essay maintains a clear focus on the given topic, discussing both causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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