IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for every fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
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Nowadays, one of the most crucial topics is the transportation
system
Use synonyms
 because its appropriate development is required to guarantee the quality of life
in
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for
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humakind
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humans
. Some governments have proposed that changes have to be
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
 in order to enhance the systems
already
Correct pronoun usage
that already
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 exist.
Nevertheless
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, many others argue that the entire
system
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have
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has
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 to be rebuilt. I partially agree with both statements
,
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apply
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 and in
this
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 essay, I will explain my reasons in detail. To start with, the evaluation of the transportation
system
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 should be performed individually, taking into account the specific characteristics
in
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of
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 each city
as well as
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 the
requiriments
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requirements
 of the population.
Although
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 most systems have been criticized, there are many countries where
the
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apply
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public transport has shown high performances with eco-friendly buses and trains
as well as
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 safety.
For instance
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, the subway in New York is
well-know
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well-known
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 because of its untidy buildings and outdated trains.
Nonetheless
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, every day, hundreds of people commute by train, arriving home
fast
Rephrase
quickly
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 and
safe
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safely
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.
Therefore
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, its high
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performances
performance
 outweigh the downsides related to the
buldings
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buildings
.
Consequently
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, The City Council has signed some agreements to improve the cleanliness.
On the other hand
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, most developing countries have
a
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apply
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no well-structured
system
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 of transportation.
As a consequence
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 of
this
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, dwellers have to spend hours
by
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apply
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commuting owing to the traffic, especially during
the
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apply
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rush time.
For instance
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, despite having 'The Transmilenio' in Bogota, most people require more than an hour for commuting.
Besides
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, there is
not
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no
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 security,
thus
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, dozens of thefts are
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 daily.
Therefore
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, the government have spent millions of dollars on designing a new
system
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 given by a subway. Currently, many contracts
were
Wrong verb form
have been
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 signed with China in order to start the construction in 2026.
To sum up
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, the individual features of the cities and the public
transporte
Correct your spelling
transport
 have to be carefully evaluated in order to establish if the
system
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 needs few
improments
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improvements
 or requires to be re-built.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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introduction
Your introduction sets the context well but could be clearer in stating your opinion. Consider explicitly stating that you believe both approaches have merit depending on the city's specific needs.
logical structure
While the essay's structure is logical, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking words or phrases to better connect your ideas (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' 'On the contrary').
grammar
Some minor grammatical errors and typos are present (e.g., 'requiriments' should be 'requirements,' 'perfomances' should be 'performances,' 'The' should not be capitalized in 'The City Council'). Proofreading your work before submission can help catch these errors.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your main points are relevant but could be more clearly stated. When discussing the need for new systems or improvements, explicitly mention specific benefits and drawbacks to add depth to your argument.
relevant specific examples
Consider adding more specific examples or data to emphasize your points about the efficiency and necessity of public transport improvements or new systems.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, which helps reinforce your argument.
supported main points
You have used relevant examples to back up your points, such as the New York subway and the Transmilenio in Bogota.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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