IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. While some people think that this is good for a country, others believe that salaries should be controlled by the government to limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is increasingly common for a minority of
people
Use synonyms
 to earn excessively high monthly
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 in different countries nowadays.
While
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 some argue that
this
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 can be beneficial for the
overall
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 national economy, others;
however
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, disagree and believe that governments should apply limitations on earnings. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and explain the rationale behind my support for the former argument. On the one hand, those who suggest and support strict income limitation laws argue that
this
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 will help
mitigating
Wrong verb form
mitigate
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 the gap between social classes.
This
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 is because applying these rules should put society members in equal states.
This
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 sense of equality is claimed to alleviate
people
Use synonyms
’s feelings of inferiority. To illustrate, a disadvantaged person living in a developing country mostly thinks that whoever gets an extremely high salary is superior and inapproachable.
As a result
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, envy and despise will probably dominate and consume lower-income individuals.
On the other hand
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, many argue that
people
Use synonyms
 deserve to be entitled to earn and make as much money as they can.
This
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, in turn, will boost
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 economy gearing it towards prosperity and flourishment. As
people
Use synonyms
 will work harder and harder to shoot for the stars which will be reflected in almost every aspect of industry or governmental sectors.
For example
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, if business owners were subjected to revenue restrictions in a specific country, they would not be as motivated nor productive as their counterparts in a capitalistic region. In conclusion, despite controlling the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of earnings might decrease the socio-economic gap among individuals, the drawbacks of
such
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decision
Correct article usage
a decision
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 will be catastrophic for the public’s morale towards work,
thus
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 I wholeheartedly believe that we should allow
people
Use synonyms
 to compete and make their own fortune.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider expanding on your examples and integrating more specific data or anecdotes to enhance your argument. Providing more concrete examples can strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence and cohesion by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. This can be achieved through the use of transition words and phrases, which will help to better connect your ideas and maintain the reader's interest.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You present both viewpoints clearly and support your arguments with relevant ideas, showcasing your ability to discuss multiple perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reward hard work
  • innovation
  • ambitious career paths
  • advancements
  • technology and medicine
  • contribute significantly
  • public services
  • infrastructure development
  • stimulates
  • real estate to luxury goods
  • excessive earnings
  • social inequality
  • wealth gap
  • social unrest
  • society's harmony
  • equitable distribution of wealth
  • poverty rates
  • quality of life
  • salary caps
  • discourage talent
  • brain drain
  • hinder
  • growth and innovation
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