IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people argue that to make healthy foods like fruits and vegetables more affordable, they should be subsidised by the government. Others believe that it is better to tax unhealthy foods. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Subsidising of fruits and vegetables by
government
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the government
show examples
 is
propogated
Correct your spelling
propagated
 by few as they are healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 and others believe unhealthy should be taxed. In my opinion, there should be
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
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 on nutritious
food
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 and
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
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 on junk
foods
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, as implementing a single solution to the
obesity
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 epidemic would not suffice. In the recent
past
Add a comma
past,
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 there has been
dramatic
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a dramatic
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 increase in physical health issues
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, hypertension and cardiac
complication
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complications
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.
This
Linking Words
 has been primarily attributed to unhealthy dietary habits resulting in > 30% of
world
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the world
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 population
being
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is
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 either overweight or obese, as reported by
Correct article usage
the World
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World
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the World
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 Health Organisation(WHO). Considering the fact that fruits and vegetables are rich sources of micronutrients and essential minerals, which are important for adequate physiological functioning and
longeviety
Correct your spelling
longevity
.
This
Linking Words
 is supported by multiple studies, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 proven that having
plant based
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plant-based
show examples
food
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 in everyday
life
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 increases
longeviety
Correct your spelling
longevity
 by restoring cholesterol levels,
provinding
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providing
 antioxidants, maintaining sugar levels, and
also
Linking Words
helps
Wrong verb form
helping
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 in clearing toxins from
body
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the body
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. A personal example is of my
grand father
Correct your spelling
grandfather
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 who regularly takes seasonal fruits and vegetables
has
Correct word choice
and has
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 lived till 90 years,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
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 his counterparts who succumbed to eating oily
food
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 and predominantly
meat based
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meat-based
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 diet died earlier than him. Another point to consider here is the cost, the cost becomes a significant issue for
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
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 who can not afford to include
this
Linking Words
 lifestyle in their
life
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, which leads to malnutrition and hinders
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
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to reach
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from reaching
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 his or her highest potential. The government by providing
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
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 may help these sections of society to ultimately provide equal opportunity for all to have a fulfilling
life
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, putting additional
txation
Correct your spelling
taxation
 on unhealthy
food
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such
Linking Words
 as fried potatoes, pizza, burgers and other fast
foods
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 may help in curbing the epidemic of
obesity
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. The cost of these eateries is so affordable that even the poor can afford and
this
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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obesity
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 to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 present even in
low
Correct article usage
the low
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 economic status population.
This
Linking Words
 is
evedent
Correct your spelling
evident
 by the statistics of WHO, the data states that
obesity
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 is as prevalent in poor as it is in affluent sections of society.
Hence
Linking Words
, putting
tax
Add an article
a tax
show examples
 on these junk
foods
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 may help in reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it is more complicated.
As it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is the behaviour of people which needs
change
Fix the infinitive
to change
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 where they indulge in
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle not limited to restricting to healthy
food
Use synonyms
 habits. People
also
Linking Words
 need to inculcate regular physical exercise, avoid smoking, avoid drinking and have good psychological
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 to have
longeivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
 and
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 enriching
life
Use synonyms
. To summarise, subsidising healthy
foods
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along with
Linking Words
 taxing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
foods
Use synonyms
 may help to decrease the burden of diseases related to
obesity
Use synonyms
 but it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
neccessarily
Correct your spelling
necessarily
 sufficient. People need to adapt to a much healthier lifestyle and focus on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 to bring in behavioural
chane
Correct your spelling
change
chance
 to tackle the epidemic of
this
Linking Words
 proportion.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, distinct topic sentence to enhance the logical flow. For instance, the second paragraph could start by explicitly introducing the unhealthy dietary habits contributing to health issues.
task achievement
Make sure to check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Editing for conciseness can make your essay more readable and impactful.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive discussion of both views and includes relevant examples, such as the personal anecdote about the grandparent’s diet and longevity, which strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear, concise summary of the main points and the writer’s opinion. This adds clarity and structure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the issue of obesity and dietary habits, supported by relevant statistics and data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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