Many people believe that social networking websites such as FB and Instagram have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
due to
the development of emerging social networks, folk who tend to join these site
become more and more every day. It is often argued that these social networking Fix the agreement mistake
sites
site
are not suitable and useful for individuals and Change the determiner
sites
community
. I personally disagree that all the aspects of social networking are negative.
There are some reasons why I disagree with Fix the agreement mistake
communities
this
view. Firstly
, public
can communicate with their friends and relatives on social publishing Add an article
the public
such
as Facebook and Instagram. For instance
, it is difficult for me to speak and have daily relationships with my all friends but these applications help me to be aware of them. Also
, when my friends and relatives share their personal pictures or happy events related to themselves, I will make sure that they are happy. In conclusion, social media is a reliable way to connect or communicate with those we love.
Secondly
, the advancement of technology and the development of social publishing leads to an increase in the level of society's awareness especially by sharing their
useful information on social media. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, a couple of months ago, I had severe hair loss so I searched about it on my Instagram account and finally
, I could find a serum and a shampoo to control my hair loss. Moreover
, I sometimes learn how to cook new food or new desserts by watching videos about new food recipes on Facebook. This
type of communication and sharing of ability could raise the level of civilization's recognition too.
To sum up
, social networking site
have lots of benefits for individuals and humanity by developing communication between all Fix the agreement mistake
sites
crowd
and raising the level of intelligence in Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
nation
in comparison I totally disagree that these Add an article
the nation
site
have negative impacts on individual lives and Change the determiner
sites
community
.Fix the agreement mistake
communities
Submitted by Behnaz_rashidian on
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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction. While you state that you disagree with the negative impact of social networking sites, providing a brief outline of your supporting points would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea. For instance, the paragraph about communication could be further divided to separately discuss personal and professional communication benefits.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and vocabulary to improve clarity and coherence. For example, instead of "folk who tend to join these site," you can write "people who tend to join these sites."
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples that illustrate your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and a logical progression of ideas, creating a coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
You use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas, showcasing a good command of English.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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