IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Sources of electricity in four countries 2003-2008

#sources #electricity #four #countries
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The pie chart compares sources of electricity in four different areas in 2003-2008.
While
India
 and
Sweden
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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used fossil fuels,
hydropower
, and nuclear power.
However
, Morocco and Vietnam used only fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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 and
hydropower
. In
India
, the nuclear power was used 3.5%,
while
Sweden
 was used 44%.
Sweden
 used 52%
from
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of
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hydropower
,
while
India
 utilized 14.6%
from
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of
show examples
hydropower
. In the country of
India
, used to 81.9%,
from
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of
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 fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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, and
Sweden
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent only 40%
to
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on
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 fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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. In Morocco, the greatest proportion of spending was on
hydropower
, which was presented 95.5%. Vietnam used it to 43.7%. On
hydropower
 in Morocco, one of the small
percentage
Change to a plural noun
percentages
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 was on fossil
fuel
 with 4.5%. Vietnam used
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to
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apply
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56.3%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fossil
fuel
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a concluding paragraph to summarize your findings and reiterate the main points. This will enhance the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single idea. This will help in presenting your points more coherently.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitions and linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the data. Add more details or comparisons where relevant.
task achievement
While your essay provides relevant examples, ensure they are fully explained to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have included specific data points which help support your analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured into paragraphs, which helps in understanding different points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • electricity generation
  • renewable energy
  • fossil fuels
  • nuclear power
  • carbon emissions
  • energy policy
  • sustainable development
  • technological advancements
  • energy security
  • economic development
  • environmental impact
  • government incentives
  • carbon tax
  • renewable resources
  • global energy markets
What to do next:
Look at other essays: