In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this case ? Is this a positive or nrgative development ?
While
traditional clothes
are only chosen to be worn only
on some special Rephrase
apply
occasion
, western Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
clothes
are becoming the universal clothes
which people
around the world wear in their daily life
. The reason and impacts of Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
western Correct article usage
apply
clothes
on global fashion
will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
Lifestyle
of Add an article
The lifestyle
A lifestyle
people
plays a crucial role in fashion
, meaning that people
these days tend to wear fashionable or comfortable clothes
. For the fashion
aspects
, traditional Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
clothes
are often viewed as old-fashioned clothes
, usually worn by the elders, giving a sense of outdated fashion
. To demonstrate, if teenagers have to choose the clothes
to wear on their special occasion western clothes
are often their primary choice. Moreover
, people
wear western
Capitalize word
Western
clothes
due to
its
comfortable features which make Correct pronoun usage
their
it
more convenient in their daily Correct pronoun usage
them
life
by reducing dressing Fix the agreement mistake
lives
time
. For instance
, Kimono
, Correct article usage
the Kimono
Japanese
traditional Correct article usage
a Japanese
clothes
, contain
several steps of dressing which could be considered Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
as
Change preposition
apply
time consuming
for the lifestyle of Add a hyphen
time-consuming
people
in the present time
. As a result
, people
prefer to wear more western
Capitalize word
Western
clothes
than the
traditional Correct article usage
apply
clothes
from
their preferences Change preposition
because of
on
Change preposition
in
fashion
and features.
The changes in clothing and fashion
could be seen as a negative development to the culture of non-western countries which deprive the uniqueness of traditional clothes
. To elaborate, people
all over the world choose to wear the
western Correct article usage
apply
clothes
on formal occasions rather than wearing traditional clothes
, making the trends
of wearing traditional Fix the agreement mistake
trend
clothes
gradually disappear from society. Furthermore
, when there are less
Change the quantifier
fewer
people
wearing the
traditional Correct article usage
apply
clothes
, the sales of clothes
tend to decrease over time
which means that there will be less
traditional Correct quantifier usage
fewer
clothes
in the market which means the traditional clothes
will be only the historical symbol of each country in the future. This
could leads
to Change the verb form
lead
the
Globalization in Correct article usage
apply
fashion
where all people
will following
Wrong verb form
follow
the
similar Correct article usage
apply
western
Capitalize word
Western
fashion
trends.
In conclusion, it is evident that there are plethora
of reasons leading Add an article
a plethora
people
to wear more western
Capitalize word
Western
clothes
which create negative development in the cultural aspects of all non-western countries.Submitted by pattaraporn.konj on
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task achievement
Try to expand a bit more on each point and provide additional examples or support to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking the points more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors to improve clarity and comprehension.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by providing reasons why people wear western clothes and discussing both positive and negative impacts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that nicely frame the discussion.
task achievement
Some points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the example of Japanese Kimono to illustrate the convenience of western clothes.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.