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Band 1.5

**All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults.** **What are the reasons for this rise in obesity?** **How could it be tracked?**

#**all #world #societies #obesity #children #adults #**what #rise #**how
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problem
 with
obesity
.
This
problem
 affects both children and adults.** **What are the reasons for
this
 rise in
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?** **How could it be tracked?*All over the world, societies are facing a growing
problem
 with
obesity
.
This
problem
 affects both children and adults.** **What are the reasons for
this
 rise in
obesity
?**
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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task achievement
Expand on the reasons for the rise in obesity by incorporating more relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. This will enhance the reader's understanding and add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Although the logical structure is good, a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument would improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Work on strengthening the introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly outline the main points you will discuss, and your conclusion should effectively reiterate these points while providing a final opinion or recommendation.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt by discussing the reasons for the rise in obesity and ways to track it. This demonstrates a solid understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive, which helps the reader follow your argument. This is a strong point in your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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