some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news event. do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantage?
Nowadays, social
media
can play a crucial role in many aspects. some individuals are using social media
to aware
of many Add a missing verb
be aware
people
and new happening. in my opinion, i
strongly believe that Change the capitalization
I
benefits
greatly Correct article usage
the benefits
outwigh
the disadvantages.
Correct your spelling
outweigh
Postively
, no one can dare to deny the importance of touching with other Correct your spelling
Positively
people
and awaring
of Correct your spelling
awarding
important
Add an article
the important
an important
event
by using social Fix the agreement mistake
events
media
, like instagram
. Change the capitalization
Instagram
thesedays
, there are a lot of pages on Correct your spelling
These days
instagram
which create many content to encourage a large number of Change the capitalization
Instagram
people
to have a better life
. beacuse
,nowadays, many Correct your spelling
because
people
suffer from mental disorders, like depression. that is
why, they do not have a lot
interest Add the preposition
lot of
to continue
their lives. so, these Change preposition
in continuing
trainings
can help them to relive from Change the wording
training
pieces of training
this
isolation and find best
way in their Change the article
the best
life
. there for
they can find Change preposition
apply
new
Add an article
a new
way
in Fix the agreement mistake
ways
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
to make their life
much more meaningfull
and Correct your spelling
meaningful
purposefull
. Correct your spelling
purposeful
purposefully
this
attitude can be answered for many people
.
Negatively, although
many people
have a gret
tendency to Correct your spelling
great
utlize
social Correct your spelling
utilise
media
to know about other people
and different news, it can have negative
impact on your lifestyle. there are a Add an article
a negative
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
people
as Add an article
a blogger
blogger
or even Fix the agreement mistake
bloggers
influncer
social Correct your spelling
influencers
media
produse
Correct your spelling
produce
many
tricky Replace the quantifier
much
content
to Change to a plural noun
contents
misleading
their followers because, in Wrong verb form
mislead
this
materialistic lifestyle, not many people
place a high value on morality. that is
why, they try to show of
their Replace the word
off
life
flashy. therefore
, they encourage individuals to do wrong action
to have Fix the agreement mistake
actions
luxurious
Add an article
a luxurious
life
. this
strategy can cause many problems in their lives.
In conclusion, by weghining the
both sides of Remove the article
apply
argument
, Add an article
the argument
an argument
i
should say, Change the capitalization
I
although
many Correct word choice
that although
people
be
accustomed to Wrong verb form
are
use
social Change the verb form
using
media
to know about other people
and different event
, Fix the agreement mistake
events
this
style can help them to find a suitable way to have better
Add an article
a better
life
.Submitted by salehmiri1995 on
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introduction conclusion
Your essay does a good job of introducing the topic and providing a conclusion. However, the introduction could be more compelling to better catch the reader's attention. Try to avoid starting with general statements and get to your thesis more quickly.
logical structure
Ensure that the paragraphs are clearly divided. Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'moreover', 'on the other hand') effectively to show the relationships between ideas and to improve the logical flow. Consider revising some parts to make the structure clearer.
complete response
The arguments you have presented are valid, but they need more development. Use specific examples and elaborate on them to support your points more effectively. This will make your essay more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are several grammatical errors and typos in your essay (e.g., 'benefits greatly outwigh', 'beacuse', 'relive'). Try to proofread your essay carefully or use tools to help spot and correct these mistakes. Proper grammar enhances understanding and makes your essay more professional.
relevant specific examples
Your essay would benefit from more detailed and relevant examples. Specific details can greatly improve your argumentation. Try to include concrete examples that enhance and clarify your points.
complete response
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is good for a balanced argument.
introduction conclusion
You have included a conclusion that successfully summarizes your main points.
task adherence
Your essay stays on topic throughout and responds to the question prompt well.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite