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Band 3

In recent years, there has been a noticeable trend in Vietnam towards adopting Western architectural styles in residential housing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#years #trend #vietnam #styles
Lately, we can easily see buildings which are
the
Correct article usage
a
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 combination of Vietnamese styles and Western art.
This
 phenomenon brings both benefits and drawbacks, which will be discussed in the following essay. The
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 buildings is the origin of some tourist-attractive places in VietNam. It is undeniable that these locations can be appealing to local people and promote the development of tourism nearby. Ba Na
hills
Capitalize word
Hills
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 is a brilliant example in
this
 case for its French village - the spot witnessing millions of visitors each year. When it comes to the disadvantages of
this
 trend, it is
also
 worth noting that Vietnamese can drop out traditional beauty in their
architectures
Fix the agreement mistake
architecture
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. The young now prefer modern houses like ones from Europe or America to conventional ones.
However
, if
this
 trend is uncontrollable, the next generations will forget about old culture gradually in the future.
For instance
, convenient apartments are more popular than ever as youngsters'
choice
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choices
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, put Vietnamese patterns on the edge of extinction at the same time. In conclusion, adopting Western styles can be beneficial for tourism in Vietnam, but the traditional houses in
this
 country may be erased if
this
 trend
go
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goes
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 too far in
someday
Correct your spelling
some time
show examples
.
Submitted by 22028151 on

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task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and varied examples to support the main points. For instance, mention more instances of Western-style buildings contributing to tourism or specific aspects of traditional architecture that are being overshadowed.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure could be strengthened by ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant details. The essay sometimes lacks deeper explanation of the points mentioned.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an introduction and conclusion, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs more effectively. This will provide a stronger closure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies both advantages and disadvantages of adopting Western architectural styles in Vietnam, showing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
There is clear cohesion within paragraphs, with ideas being logically connected and relevant to the overall topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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