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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self employed?

#people #work #company #organization #be #case #self
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These days, it is said that being an entrepreneur is the most popular option than working for a
business
Use synonyms
 organization.
This
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 essay will discuss some possible reasons
as well as
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 disadvantages of
this
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 issue. Perhaps, one major factor for
this
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 is that working hours are flexible. As we know
that
Correct word choice
apply
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office hours must be spent
at
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apply
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eight hours per day and they must attend a minimum of 5 days
in
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apply
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a week.
Therefore
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, many people feel that these times disturb their personal time.
For instance
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, when
labors
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labourers
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 have a celebration in their family like a wedding or funeral ceremony, it can be difficult for them to follow the custom of the ceremony.
In addition
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, following passion and interest are other reasons. There are many people who are excellent in a field and they want to develop it as a
business
Use synonyms
 for them
such
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 as gamers, programmers,chefs and designers.
On the other hand
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, the drawback of freelance workers is the high budget to build their own
business
Use synonyms
. It is because they have to pay for all their expenses.
For example
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, office rental cost, tax,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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basic
material
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materials
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and electricity cost.
Therefore
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, a self-worker must be able to manage their money and time effectively.
Furthermore
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, mental development is another reason. It is because the fluctuation in
marketplace
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the marketplace
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 can cause
business
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 loss.
As a consequence
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, many entrepreneurs suffer from mental health problems
such
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 as stress and depression when their
Use synonyms
business
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businesses
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 collapse In conclusion, from the analysis of these factors, the self-employed are chosen based on flexible times and their passion.
However
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, spending a high budget and mental development are the shortcoming of
entrepreneur
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entrepreneurs
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.
Submitted by k a l l a on

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task response
Try to elaborate further on the disadvantages of being self-employed. Discuss aspects such as job security, lack of benefits, or work-life balance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there's a logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. For example, linking the reason for flexible hours to the disadvantages through transitional phrases can enhance readability.
task response
The essay clearly states the main reasons people choose to be self-employed, such as flexible working hours and following their passion.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion that help frame the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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