In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #people #health #food #neccesary #governments #tax

Health issues

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

caused by junk

food

consumption

Change the verb form

are

show examples

increasing in some countries.

Governments

need to

taxing

Change the verb

tax

show examples

all these fast

food

companies

higher

as a consequence

of their products. Personally, I do not agree with the statement for several reasons and I will explain it

further

in the next paragraphs. The huge increase number of

people

who are suffering

diseases

Change preposition

from diseases

show examples

as a result

of high junk

food

consumption is a systemic

issue

. These

people

mostly come from

lower income

Add a hyphen

lower-income

show examples

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

that can not afford healthy

food

ingredients

. Through

this

factor, fast

food

companies

see

this

as an opportunity to gain profits, so they sell their products

Change preposition

show examples

cheaper

price

Fix the agreement mistake

prices

show examples

. For obvious

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

this

cheap

price

can be achieved by using

low grade

Add a hyphen

low-grade

show examples

ingredients

so the corporation can press the production capital. In order to survive, the consumers who

got

Verb problem

have

show examples

no choice would choose fast

food

as the alternative for their daily meal.

As a result

this

will lead to an increasing number of

people

who are suffering from health

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

caused by fast

food

. Considering that, repressive

method

Fix the agreement mistake

methods

show examples

such

as high

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

on fast

food

companies

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

not really effective

to solve

Change preposition

in solving

show examples

the

issue

. As I mentioned above, in order to attract desperate consumers,

companies

would go

beyond

Change preposition

apply

show examples

miles to press their

price

Fix the agreement mistake

prices

show examples

. If

governments

still insist to impose a higher

tax

on fast

food

, these

companies

can easily change the

ingredients

to lower qualities as long as the cheap

price

can be maintained.

In addition

, taxing higher would not help the

lower income

Add a hyphen

lower-income

show examples

people

and

this

method would only limit their

option

Fix the agreement mistake

options

show examples

. The most effective way to tackle

this

issue

is through initiation from

governments

to provide affordable healthy

food

holistic

Change the article

a holistic

show examples

manner.

Governments

could form

Remove the article

apply

show examples

cooperation with farmers so the production and distribution process could become easy and accessible for all

people

. In conclusion, imposing higher

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

on fast

food

companies

is not really effective

to reduce

Change preposition

in reducing

show examples

the number because

Add an article

the company

show examples

company

Fix the agreement mistake

companies

show examples

would easily change the

ingredients

with lower qualities so they can maintain the

cheap

Correct word choice

low

show examples

price

Moreover

, higher

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

would only limit the option for

lower income

Add a hyphen

lower-income

show examples

people

and make the situation more difficult.

That is

why,

governments

must solve

this

issue

through

preventive

Add an article

a preventive

show examples

and holistic approach so

people

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

afford healthy

food

Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on Fri Jun 21 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on improving coherence by using more transitional phrases and connectors between ideas and paragraphs.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and argues the points logically.

coherence cohesion

Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, giving the essay a good structure.

coherence cohesion

Main points are well-explored, showing a clear understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

377 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Fully explain your ideas

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that governments should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some pleces old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?