IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Health issues
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by junk
food
Use synonyms
 consumption
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 increasing in some countries.
Governments
Use synonyms
 need to
taxing
Change the verb
tax
show examples
 all these fast
food
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
 higher
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of their products. Personally, I do not agree with the statement for several reasons and I will explain it
further
Linking Words
 in the next paragraphs. The huge increase number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are suffering
diseases
Change preposition
from diseases
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 of high junk
food
Use synonyms
 consumption is a systemic
issue
Use synonyms
. These
people
Use synonyms
 mostly come from
lower income
Add a hyphen
lower-income
show examples
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 that can not afford healthy
food
Use synonyms
ingredients
Use synonyms
. Through
this
Linking Words
 factor, fast
food
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
 see
this
Linking Words
 as an opportunity to gain profits, so they sell their products
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 cheaper
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
. For obvious
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 cheap
price
Use synonyms
 can be achieved by using
low grade
Add a hyphen
low-grade
show examples
ingredients
Use synonyms
 so the corporation can press the production capital. In order to survive, the consumers who
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 no choice would choose fast
food
Use synonyms
 as the alternative for their daily meal.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will lead to an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are suffering from health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by fast
food
Use synonyms
. Considering that, repressive
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as high
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not really effective
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
 the
issue
Use synonyms
. As I mentioned above, in order to attract desperate consumers,
companies
Use synonyms
 would go
beyond
Change preposition
apply
show examples
miles to press their
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
. If
governments
Use synonyms
 still insist to impose a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
, these
companies
Use synonyms
 can easily change the
ingredients
Use synonyms
 to lower qualities as long as the cheap
price
Use synonyms
 can be maintained.
In addition
Linking Words
, taxing higher would not help the
lower income
Add a hyphen
lower-income
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 method would only limit their
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
. The most effective way to tackle
this
Linking Words
issue
Use synonyms
 is through initiation from
governments
Use synonyms
 to provide affordable healthy
food
Use synonyms
 in
holistic
Change the article
a holistic
show examples
 manner.
Governments
Use synonyms
 could form
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cooperation with farmers so the production and distribution process could become easy and accessible for all
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, imposing higher
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
 is not really effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
 the number because
Add an article
the company
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 would easily change the
ingredients
Use synonyms
 with lower qualities so they can maintain the
cheap
Correct word choice
low
show examples
price
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, higher
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 would only limit the option for
lower income
Add a hyphen
lower-income
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and make the situation more difficult.
That is
Linking Words
 why,
governments
Use synonyms
 must solve
this
Linking Words
issue
Use synonyms
 through
preventive
Add an article
a preventive
show examples
 and holistic approach so
people
Use synonyms
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 afford healthy
food
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure your essay contains more specific examples or evidence to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments considerably.
task achievement
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sophisticated sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that every paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that your arguments flow logically from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving coherence by using more transitional phrases and connectors between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and argues the points logically.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, giving the essay a good structure.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-explored, showing a clear understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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