In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Health issues
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by junk
food
consumption
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
increasing in some countries.
Governments
need to
taxing
Change the verb
tax
show examples
all these fast
food
companies
higher
as a consequence
of their products. Personally, I do not agree with the statement for several reasons and I will explain it
further
in the next paragraphs. The huge increase number of
people
who are suffering
diseases
Change preposition
from diseases
show examples
as a result
of high junk
food
consumption is a systemic
issue
. These
people
mostly come from
lower income
Add a hyphen
lower-income
show examples
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
that can not afford healthy
food
ingredients
. Through
this
factor, fast
food
companies
see
this
as an opportunity to gain profits, so they sell their products
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
cheaper
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
. For obvious
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
,
this
cheap
price
can be achieved by using
low grade
Add a hyphen
low-grade
show examples
ingredients
so the corporation can press the production capital. In order to survive, the consumers who
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
no choice would choose fast
food
as the alternative for their daily meal.
As a result
,
this
will lead to an increasing number of
people
who are suffering from health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by fast
food
. Considering that, repressive
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
such
as high
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
on fast
food
companies
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
not really effective
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
the
issue
. As I mentioned above, in order to attract desperate consumers,
companies
would go
beyond
Change preposition
apply
show examples
miles to press their
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
. If
governments
still insist to impose a higher
tax
on fast
food
, these
companies
can easily change the
ingredients
to lower qualities as long as the cheap
price
can be maintained.
In addition
, taxing higher would not help the
lower income
Add a hyphen
lower-income
show examples
people
and
this
method would only limit their
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
. The most effective way to tackle
this
issue
is through initiation from
governments
to provide affordable healthy
food
in
holistic
Change the article
a holistic
show examples
manner.
Governments
could form
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cooperation with farmers so the production and distribution process could become easy and accessible for all
people
. In conclusion, imposing higher
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
on fast
food
companies
is not really effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
the number because
Add an article
the company
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
would easily change the
ingredients
with lower qualities so they can maintain the
cheap
Correct word choice
low
show examples
price
.
Moreover
, higher
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
would only limit the option for
lower income
Add a hyphen
lower-income
show examples
people
and make the situation more difficult.
That is
why,
governments
must solve
this
issue
through
preventive
Add an article
a preventive
show examples
and holistic approach so
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
afford healthy
food
.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your essay contains more specific examples or evidence to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments considerably.
task achievement
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sophisticated sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that every paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that your arguments flow logically from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving coherence by using more transitional phrases and connectors between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and argues the points logically.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, giving the essay a good structure.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-explored, showing a clear understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: