Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many people argue that whether we should put a great deal of effort to improve our conditions
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

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or accept bad things and situations as they are.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

topic is
a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word intense.

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intense debate with both
attractiong
Correct your spelling
attracting
attraction
attractions

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supports and critics.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay aims to discuss both of the views, but argue in favour
to
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the first statement. On the one hand, those people who believe that our
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

would be much easier if we
can
Wrong verb form
could

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb can. Consider changing it.

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learn to let various things go and be happy with
watever
Correct your spelling
whatever

If you don’t want watever to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

we have. They
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

say that we can not control every aspect of our
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

It seems that life may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, even if we
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour

The spelling of endeavor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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to alter things we would get
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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burnout which can be caused by a lot of pressure and work. With
burnout
Add a comma
burnout,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase With burnout. Consider adding a comma.

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you can not properly enjoy your
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if we try to reach
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the top of
career
Correct pronoun usage
our career

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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and reap
financial
Correct article usage
the financial

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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benefits that
comes
Change the verb form
come

The verb comes does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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with it in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

competitive job market, we will have to work so hard even non-stop for
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a long length that it will hardly allow to enjoy your youth times and personal live too.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, supporters of improving our situation by trying hard say that our
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

consist
Change the verb form
consists

The plural verb consist does not appear to agree with the singular subject our life. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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of struggling, suffering and battles. Individuals who give their best by doing hard are going the win the race. They keep arguing that people who try to change bad situations take the first step to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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success, and become more motivated to second obstacles.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
well-known
Add an article
a well-known

The noun phrase well-known footballer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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footballer
whose
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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name
Wrong verb form
named

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb name. Consider changing it.

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Cristiano Ronaldo and his family lived in poor conditions,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

he could not accept it to
countinue
Correct your spelling
continue

If you don’t want countinue to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

their
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

way. In conclusion, I think that overcoming these types of
obsctacles
Correct your spelling
obstacles

If you don’t want obsctacles to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

are
Change the verb form
is

The verb are does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the key to success and they motivate us to go
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

by not giving up. By turning
sutiation
Correct your spelling
situation

If you don’t want sutiation to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in our
favor
Change the spelling
favour

The spelling of favor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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, we can
chage
Correct your spelling
change

If you don’t want chage to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

out
Correct your spelling
our

The word out doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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lifestyle totally.

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language accuracy
Improve language accuracy to avoid grammar and spelling mistakes, such as 'a intense debate' (should be 'an intense debate'), 'wataver' (should be 'whatever'), and 'obsctacles' (should be 'obstacles').
idea development
Develop each point further with detailed examples and explanation to provide a clearer understanding of your ideas.
conclusion development
Provide a clearer conclusion that not only summarizes the main points discussed but also clearly states your own opinion in relation to those points.
coherence improvement
Work on smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
balanced discussion
The essay addresses both views of the topic, providing a balanced discussion.
conclusion present
The conclusion attempts to summarize the main arguments and provides a final opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
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