IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #technology
Some would argue
Correct word choice
that nowdays
show examples
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 men and women
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can shop
easilly
Correct your spelling
easily
 by using new
technology
,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 do not agree with that. I believe with first group because
this
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 in
technology
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
 us choose different shops and get
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
fastlly
Correct your spelling
quickly
. On the one hand, New
technology
 has bad
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy
specific
Change the word
specifically
show examples
 in trade,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 local shops
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
buy to store rent and taxes and
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
show examples
, so these make their price higher than online stores.
As a result
, individuals prefer to
order
 online to save their money, and
this
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
 their
country
's economy
ncome
Correct your spelling
income
.
For example
, there is
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the
Covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 19, many
people
orderd
Correct your spelling
order
ordered
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 online , and many local businesses closed.
However
, I believe that
people
 should have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 freedom to choose what they want and a government should take care of
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 economy.
On the other hand
,
this
 modern
technology
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 our shopping ways, and it makes
order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
show examples
easally
Correct your spelling
easy
 and shipping fastly. because
people
 who live in small
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not have different shop stores, online stores give them different
opitions
Correct your spelling
options
opinions
.
For example
, men and women can
order
 from Ali Baba
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Chianes
Correct your spelling
Chinese
 app and they will get their
order
 in one week. I believe
this
technology
 helps
people
 to get what they want from different
countrys
Correct your spelling
countries
. In conclusion,
although
 shopping
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
side
Add an article
a side
show examples
 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 income ,it does not mean we must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
buy from local shops.
this
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 helps us to have everything
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
shipped
fastly
Rephrase
quickly
show examples
.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views on the topic, but some ideas are not fully developed. Consider expanding on your points with more detailed explanations.
task achievement
Ensure that you consistently use examples that are directly relevant and specific to your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are unclear or awkwardly phrased, which affects the overall comprehensibility of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay better by clearly delimiting paragraphs with distinct main ideas. This will enhance the logical flow and structure of your text.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling. These small errors can accumulate and negatively impact the reader’s ability to understand your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have included examples to support your points, which shows an understanding of the need for evidence in argumentation.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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