Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some would argue
Correct word choice
that nowdays
nowdays
men and women Correct the word
nowadays
they
can shop Correct pronoun usage
apply
easilly
by using new Correct your spelling
easily
technology
, while
other
do not agree with that. I believe with first group because Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
improvment
in Correct your spelling
improvement
technology
let
us choose different shops and get Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
fastlly
.
On the one hand, New Correct your spelling
quickly
technology
has bad affects
Replace the word
effects
in
our Change preposition
on
country
economy Change noun form
country's
specific
in trade, Change the word
specifically
becuase
local shops Correct your spelling
because
they
buy to store rent and taxes and Correct pronoun usage
apply
other thing
, so these make their price higher than online stores. Change the wording
another thing
other things
As a result
, individuals prefer to order
online to save their money, and this
effects
their Replace the word
affects
country
's economy ncome
. Correct your spelling
income
For example
, there is survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show
Wrong verb form
showing
in
the Change preposition
that
Covid
19, many Correct your spelling
COVID-19
people
orderd
Correct your spelling
order
ordered
form
online , and many local businesses closed. Correct your spelling
from
However
, I believe that people
should have their
freedom to choose what they want and a government should take care of Change the word
the
country's
economy.
Correct article usage
the country's
On the other hand
, this
modern technology
improve
our shopping ways, and it makes Change the verb form
improves
order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
easally
and shipping fastly. because Correct your spelling
easy
people
who live in small town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
they
do not have different shop stores, online stores give them different Correct pronoun usage
apply
opitions
. Correct your spelling
options
opinions
For example
, men and women can order
from Ali Baba is
a Unnecessary verb
apply
Chianes
app and they will get their Correct your spelling
Chinese
order
in one week. I believe this
technology
helps people
to get what they want from different countrys
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
countries
although
shopping from
online Change preposition
apply
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
side
effect Add an article
a side
in
Change preposition
on
country's
income ,it does not mean we must Correct article usage
the country's
to
buy from local shops. Change the verb form
apply
this
technolgy
helps us to have everything Correct your spelling
technology
and
shipped Correct word choice
apply
fastly
.Rephrase
quickly
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views on the topic, but some ideas are not fully developed. Consider expanding on your points with more detailed explanations.
task achievement
Ensure that you consistently use examples that are directly relevant and specific to your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are unclear or awkwardly phrased, which affects the overall comprehensibility of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay better by clearly delimiting paragraphs with distinct main ideas. This will enhance the logical flow and structure of your text.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling. These small errors can accumulate and negatively impact the reader’s ability to understand your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have included examples to support your points, which shows an understanding of the need for evidence in argumentation.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.