IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

#punishment #countries #argue #parents #right #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s society,
parents
Use synonyms
 use various methods to discipline their
children
Use synonyms
 ; physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 is one of the punishments
that is
Linking Words
 normally against the law. Some people believe that guardians should have the right to discipline the kids in
this
Linking Words
 way.
However
Linking Words
, I am opposed to
this
Linking Words
 approach because
children
Use synonyms
 are likely to have poor mental health and
also
Linking Words
 cultivate
violence
Use synonyms
, all of which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. One of the most severe downsides is that corporal
punishment
Use synonyms
 in the family might cause
mental
Add an article
a mental
show examples
 breakdown in kids. To explain, the use of physical force like hitting or slapping leads to the creation of fear in
children
Use synonyms
. It will cause the
children
Use synonyms
 to have low self-esteem and lack of confidence, resulting in disrespect
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves and continuing to think that they are worthless.
According to
Linking Words
 the research, conducted by UNICEF Thailand, it reveals that
children
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families which discipline them by hitting them with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
object
Fix the agreement mistake
objects
show examples
 tend to be silent
in class
Add a hyphen
in-class
show examples
 activities and rarely make eye contact with their classmates.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they usually have few friends and are afraid of making mistakes. Another negative effect that should not be overlooked is the cultivation of
violence
Use synonyms
. To clarify, kids who grew up in a brutal environment have a tendency to normalize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
Use synonyms
, thinking that an assault is common because even their
parents
Use synonyms
 do
this
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are likely to learn to use violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to deal with stress or release their emotions.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the recent news, one student assaulted his friends and teachers with a stick because he had been pressured and stressed with his academic performance. He claimed that his
parents
Use synonyms
 used to hit him with a belt, so he thought it was normal to do physical
punishment
Use synonyms
, To summarize, it is evident that
this
Linking Words
 method is unacceptable as it can lead to numerous drawbacks which are mental health problems and normalization of
violence
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should find wiser ways to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 without using corporal
punishment
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rasita.pare on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your position and briefly mention the points you will discuss in the essay. This helps set a clear roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases and sentences. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further by providing more specific examples and elaborating on them. This adds depth to your arguments and makes them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and punctuation. While they don't heavily impact the score, fixing them would make your essay more polished.
task achievement
You have addressed both the primary reasons against physical punishment—mental health issues and the normalization of violence—effectively. Your argument is clear and well-supported.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a single main point. This improves readability and helps the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Your use of relevant research and recent news adds credibility to your arguments, making your essay more persuasive.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: