Sports play a significant role in promoting physical and mental well-being. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is often argued that sport is a vital means to improve the well-being of individuals in both physical and psychological aspects.
In
my perspective, I strongly agree with the mentioned argument Change preposition
From
due to
its benefits in stimulating the physical conditions of our torso and releasing our anxiety.
A significant advantage of exercising on external
Add an article
the external
body
is boosting physical fitness. In other words
, increasing physical movements can enhance functions of health, muscular and cardiorespiratory fitness and bones. It is also
a key method to reduce the risk of hypertension, coronary heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and various types of cancers. According to
a report from the World Health Organization, achieving regular fitness routines through any types
of sports, Fix the agreement mistake
type
such
as jogging, swimming, or going to the gym maintains a healthy body
weight, decreases chronological
diseases, and prevents Correct word choice
chronic
non-communicating
diseases. Correct your spelling
non-communicable
Consequently
, sedentary lifestyles without doing any sport may lead to increasing risks of severe physical diseases or all-cause mortality.
Moreover
, physical activities contribute to mental health's
improvements. To illustrate, doing Change noun form
health
the
physical exercises reduces the detrimental effects of depression and anxiety, resulting from intense work or studies. Studies have proven that working out helps individuals improve Correct article usage
apply
the
insomnia Correct article usage
apply
symtoms
, which Correct your spelling
symptoms
occurs
Correct subject-verb agreement
occur
to
some people Change preposition
in
due to
the
work stress. By doing the exercises, the Correct article usage
apply
body
function will, therefore
, improve the mental healths
by reducing their nerves.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that doing any physical activities Fix the agreement mistake
health
play
a critical role in promoting our physical and mental well-being. It is a vital means to provoke our Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
body
functions, which improves both physical conditions, such
as heart, bones, and weight,
Remove the comma
apply
while
declining internal negative impacts as
tensions.Correct quantifier usage
such as
Submitted by kaofangsuknual on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You effectively present a strong agreement with the statement and offer relevant arguments to support your perspective. However, make sure to double-check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to further enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, consider employing more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow of your ideas. Additionally, ensure the consistency of verb tenses and noun forms.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples or statistics can further support your points. For instance, mentioning specific studies or cases that highlight the mental health benefits of sports would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt thoroughly, covering both physical and mental well-being aspects.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with logical arguments and references to existing reports.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.