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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that a good planning is the key factor to success in life. Others think there are more important factors (hard work or luck). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #factor #success #life #factors #work #luck
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It is believed that the key factor in
success
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 is good planning,
whereas
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 it is thought that
people
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 have more important
factors
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 to be successful.
Although
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people
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 have more chances to succeed by planning their steps, there are other
factors
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, namely hard
work
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 and
luck
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, that lead to
success
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. Planning steps are the key factor in
success
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.   On the
one
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 hand,
people
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 believe that planning steps are crucial to achieving
success
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,
such
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 as goals.
This
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 is the opinion of realistic
people
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. Because they do not believe in any kind of
luck
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.
Also
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, good keys are made by themselves since their childhood to
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success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in their lives.
In addition
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, good planning is built from the little things,
one
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 by
one
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, and it will definitely achieve
success
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. Because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, it is a
plan
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 that does not have any mistakes.
For example
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, Garry Thompson, who is the founder of Thompson School,  said that
success
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 in life is not difficult, but it needs only
one
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 great
plan
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, and it will definitely be successful.
Although
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 many years ago he was just a teacher who taught students at school, after many years he is a role model for teenagers.    
On the other hand
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, there are other
factors
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 that do not require some kind of
plan
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,
such
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 as hard
work
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 and
luck
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. Actually, these kinds of things exist in life, but they do not
work
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 all the time in the way of
success
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. There are many
people
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 who
achieved
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achieve
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success
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 through hard
work
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 or
luck
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. The
luck
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 is able to come up to the peak.
For instance
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, Jack Ma is a person who has great
luck
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. Since
then
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, no companies have employed him for
work
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. But he did not stop his hard
work
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. A few years later, he achieved his own business
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
luck
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 and hard
work
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; now he has his own platform, which is called Alibaba. That’s why
people
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 should try without stopping their hard
work
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.   In conclusion,
people
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 should not believe other
factors
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 like hard
work
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 or
luck
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. As I mentioned, it does not
work
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 all the time.
Therefore
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, individuals should have
one
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 perfect
plan
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 to achieve
success
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 in life.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the flow of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the paragraph about the importance of planning should connect points more logically.
task achievement
Expand the analysis of factors such as hard work and luck. Providing more examples and elaboration can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to include a concise and clear thesis statement in the introduction. This will help set up the main points you plan to discuss.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument, indicating what the essay will discuss.
relevant specific examples
Using specific examples such as Garry Thompson and Jack Ma helps to illustrate and support the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • success
  • good planning
  • goals
  • objectives
  • allocation of resources
  • uncertainty
  • productivity
  • hard work
  • diligence
  • perseverance
  • skill development
  • continuous improvement
  • challenges
  • setbacks
  • luck
  • opportunities
  • favorable circumstances
  • outcome
  • personal opinion
  • crucial
  • unpredictable
  • remain open
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