IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that as long as professional sportsmen and sportswomen are good players, their behavior on and off the paying fields is not important. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sportsmen #sportswomen #players #behavior #fields
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In the controversial era, myriad
people
Use synonyms
fascinated
Add a missing verb
were fascinated
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
.
In which
Change preposition
Which
show examples
 Most
people
Use synonyms
 work
hardly
Change the word
hard
show examples
 to
lighten-up
Correct your spelling
lighten up
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 around the world.
Besides
Linking Words
 that,nowadays few individuals believe that
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
qualified athletes are well competent.Their character is not necessary in
arena
Add an article
the arena
show examples
.I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss an agreement of the statement in detail,
along with
Linking Words
 a relevant conclusion. On the one hand,
Sports
Use synonyms
 are famous globally.
Sports
Use synonyms
 spirits will get genetically .A
Use synonyms
sports person
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
show examples
 will be genuine during their job.
In addition
Linking Words
,they have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 on their behavioural pattern
as well as
Linking Words
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 only decide how to behave in and out of the ground, nobody
bothered
Add a missing verb
is bothered
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their behaviour
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they are good players.
For example
Linking Words
,a survey
state
Correct subject-verb agreement
states
show examples
 that,
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
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 number of celebrities
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
 in crime ,but they doing their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 perfectly,
no
Correct word choice
and no
show examples
 one
does not
Verb problem
can
show examples
 blame them.their programme makes an energy among the audience.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
all
Correct determiner usage
the
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 community know Sachin Tendulkar but they do not know him personally.
Likewise
Linking Words
,many are having family issues in their life,some are aggressive and few are silent inside and outside the ground.But some
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
provoked
Wrong verb form
provoke
show examples
 them by asking
personal
Change preposition
about personal
show examples
 issues,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 they react rudely and
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 they are
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
.How
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
rudely they behave ,their fans never avoid them.
Sports
Use synonyms
 is an energy drink for everyone.
Moreover
Linking Words
,most
people
Use synonyms
 worship them as a God.Most celebrities
engaged
Wrong verb form
engage
show examples
 in charity activities and their mercy to poor
people
Use synonyms
 is appreciated.
For instance
Linking Words
,PT Usha is a famous
Use synonyms
sports women she
Correct your spelling
sportswoman who
show examples
 helps disabled persons,orphans and homeless
people
Use synonyms
.But her fans are not aware of that.
Then
Linking Words
 most
people
Use synonyms
 are big
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
 of her. In conclusion,there is nobody
dislike
Correct subject-verb agreement
dislikes
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
,nothing is
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 than performance.A good player should concentrate on their work.
atheletes
Correct your spelling
Athletes
 are giving motivation to the nations . So I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Submitted by saniyasunny1848 on

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grammar
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity. Mistakes like punctuation errors and missing articles can make the essay difficult to read. Example: Replace "nowadays few individuals" with "nowadays, a few individuals".
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence of your arguments. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central point and smoothly connects to the next. Example: The paragraph about Sachin Tendulkar should have connected better to the topic by relating his behavior directly to the argument.
vocabulary
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to strengthen your arguments. Repeating basic words makes the essay less engaging and persuasive. Example: Use synonyms or more specific terms instead of repeating general words like "good player" or "behavior".
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This can help to make your argument more convincing. Example: Instead of general references to celebrities involved in crimes, mention a specific sports personality and their behavior.
task achievement
You addressed the task with a clear opinion and outlined your stance from the beginning, providing a structured response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear understanding of your position.
task achievement
You attempted to give relevant examples, such as mentioning Sachin Tendulkar and PT Usha, which help to illustrate your points.
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