The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology wich can prevent and save crime. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, there is no doubt that
rate
of Correct article usage
the rate
crime
is an important issue to discuss. So, most of
people believe that the Change preposition
apply
crime
rate is falling down compared to the past because of advance
technology. It can prevent and save Replace the word
advanced
crime
. This
essay will discuss about
both views and I will draw my personal conclusion.
On one hand, I agree with Remove the preposition
apply
this
statement for many reasons. The first reason
is that
the effect of technology on society issue because it plays an important role Correct word choice
apply
to
Change preposition
in
rise
Verb problem
raising
the
awareness Correct article usage
apply
between
people.Change preposition
among
For example
, the majority of people is
using social media and they read about the dangers of any Change the verb form
are
crime
and how to be a way
from a bad person or habit. Correct your spelling
away
Second
Add an article
The second
reason
is the punishment of any crime
. Thus
, that is
why some think that they must be preventing any crime
to avoid any punishment. What is more , the wareness
of Correct your spelling
awareness
family
is an essential part Add an article
the family
a family
to prevent
their children. Change preposition
of preventing
For instance
, parents can talk with them about how to protect themselves against anyone badly. Correct your spelling
According
Acoording
to Correct your spelling
According
Oman
Correct article usage
an Oman
newspapers
survey , "
Fix the agreement mistake
newspaper
On the other hand
, (however
), there are two main reason
that Change to a plural noun
reasons
peoples
think about …. …… is one of the main Fix the agreement mistake
people
reason
(one of the most significant Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
reason
disadvantage of…l is …… Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
for example
, ( instance) , ….. and …… another disadvantages is that … such
as …… . A Third disadvantages
is that…..
In conclusion, it is fair to say that …….. Change the noun form
disadvantage
indicate
more advantages than disadvantages….Wrong verb form
indicates
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and flows naturally to the next. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
For a complete task response, make sure to address both perspectives fully. Expand on both views before presenting a well-rounded conclusion. Right now, the essay only covers one side in detail and leaves the counterargument section undeveloped.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive ideas by elaborating on your points and using specific, relevant examples. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you thoroughly proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This will make your ideas clearer and more professional.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and attempts to conclude the argument, which is a good practice.
task achievement
You use real-world examples and surveys to support your argument, which makes your points more relatable and grounded.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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