IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart desplays the percentage of people using internet, and the pie chart shows the avarage of spending on shopping on the internet in different countries

The chart desplays the percentage of people using internet, and the pie chart shows the avarage of spending on shopping on the internet in different countries
#desplays #percentage #people #internet #avarage #countries
The given bar
grapg
Correct your spelling
graph
 illustrates the number of
people
 who
utlize
Correct your spelling
utilise
 the Internet in different 5 countries
while
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart shows the rate
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent on shopping on the
Interent
Correct your spelling
Internet
 per person in 5 different communities.
Overall
, the highest rate of using the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 in the graph can be observed for Sweden
while
 the opposite can be seen for
Spain
 and of course
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 had the largest percentage of
money
spending
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on shopping online
whereas
 the lowest rate of
money
 spent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Spain
.
According to
 the diagram, a large number of users can be seen for Sweden just
aroud
Correct your spelling
around
 at 35% .
this
 figure was three
timeshigher
Correct your spelling
times higher
 than that of
Add an article
a user
the user
show examples
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 in France.
a
Capitalize word
A
show examples
 minority of
people
 interested in
benef
Correct your spelling
benefit
 from the internet in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Spain
.
To begin
 with,
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
show examples
 amount of
money
 for shopping online can be considered for
Uk
Correct your spelling
the UK,
 around 87
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
while
 not many
people
 place
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 value
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 shopping on the net in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Spain
. the more noticeable feature is that more than half of
people
 have
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
 to shop on the net.
Submitted by salehmiri1995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, money, spain with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Internet usage
  • Online shopping
  • Spending
  • Average
  • Comparison
  • Trends
  • Correlation
  • Insights
  • Countries
What to do next:
Look at other essays: