IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give your reason.

#government #ban #places #people #freedoms #reason
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In recent times, banning smoking in all public places has been an important issue .
Thus
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, some
people
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 agree with
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 which
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 smoking in all public places , but others disagree with that statement because
this
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 would restrict
people
Use synonyms
's freedoms.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and I will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 agree with
this
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 statement for many reasons. The first reason is the dangers of smoking because it affects harmfully on our health.
For example
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, smoking increases health problems for a person and who will be around him.
Thus
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 , banning smoking is a main part that helping
people
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 to be more healthy and active in their daily lives. The second reason is that preventing smoking is raising the rate of environmental production .
According to
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 the current survey , " Ban smoking is playing an important issue in reducing environmental pollution".
On the other hand
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, there are two main reasons that
people
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 think banning smoking would restrict some other freedoms. Preventing freedom is one of the most significant reasons because they do not want to use it at any time and place. In conclusion, it is fair to say that there is no doubt that I agree with
this
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 statement. I believe that the importance of preventing smoke in public areas is to protect our health and environment.
Submitted by almeem on

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task achievement
Expand on the reasoning behind both viewpoints to give a more balanced and detailed discussion. Adding more specific examples can make the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that all points directly support the main argument and by elaborating on how each point connects to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure that all supporting points are distinctly different to better maintain reader interest and enhance argument strength.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriately frame the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • passive smoking
  • public health
  • air pollution
  • healthcare costs
  • productivity
  • community aesthetic
  • non-smokers
  • personal responsibility
  • harmful smoke
  • public areas
What to do next:
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