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Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others ,however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
For every child to grow up and become a good member of society,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not an easy thing. Some
people
 believe that
parents
 should teach
children
 how to become good citizens,
while
 others think that they should learn it at
school
.
This
 essay agrees that
parents
 play an important role in educating
children
 to become good members of society. Many
people
 believe that
parents
 are always the closest
people
 to every child. They will be with them for a long period of their lives, especially when they are still young and need to be taught basic manners to become good citizens.
For example
, you would likely listen more to "lessons" about life from your
parents
 than from your teachers because they understand more about your situation and personality.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think that
school
 is the better place for
children
 to learn basic manners because every person is not perfect, as is their point of view or how they choose to live their lives.
School
Add an article
The school
show examples
 combines knowledge and good things to teach
children
. Some
children
 may have issues with their
parents
 and cannot communicate well with them. In
this
 situation, they often reach out to their teachers for additional "lessons" about life. Both
parents
 and schools are important in educating
children
 to become good citizens.
School
 is best for academic learning, but
parents
 are better at teaching
children
 basic manners, are often close to them, and tend to understand them more.
Submitted by nhatrangthanyeu2013 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your arguments in both body paragraphs. This can improve the depth and relevance of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all ideas flow logically from one to the next. This can be improved by using more varied linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your conclusion slightly to succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay.
language
While your essay is generally clear and cohesive, watch out for minor grammatical errors and ensure your vocabulary is varied and precise.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the two sides of the argument and presents your position.
task achievement
Each main point is reasonably well developed and supported, demonstrating your ability to address different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively notes the importance of both parents and schools, tying the essay together nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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