Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behavior. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.
Some people believe that
children
need a ward for right behaviour whereas
,others people assume that individuals ought to be punishment
for wrong Replace the word
punished
behavior
. In Change the spelling
behaviour
this
essay
I will elaborate Add a comma
essay,
both
perspectives and my opinion.
On one hand,one Change preposition
on both
believe
that ,giving Change the verb form
believes
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
children
a ward for good
job Change the article
a good
it
is considered a positive side for them. In Correct pronoun usage
apply
other word
, when parents provide them motivation either a kind word or Change the wording
another word
other words
gift
. Correct article usage
a gift
Inaddition
, Correct your spelling
In addition
couraging
Verb problem
encouraging
children
assist
them to Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
cheive
their goals to reach to top. For Correct your spelling
achieve
Correct your spelling
instance
instanc
, when Correct your spelling
instance
children
obtain full mark
their parents reward Fix the agreement mistake
marks
Furthermore
,Submitted by almeem on
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coherence cohesion
You need to develop a logical structure in your essay. Currently, the points are not well-organized, and the ideas jump around without clear transitions. Try to use paragraphs effectively to separate different points or perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and present introduction and conclusion. You should clearly state the main idea of your essay in the introduction and summarize the key points in the conclusion.
supported main points
Ensure your main points are fully supported with relevant examples and explanations. The examples you use should clearly illustrate your point.
task achievement
Work on achieving a complete response to the task. Both perspectives (rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior) should be equally elaborated, with clear connections between them and your opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Some parts of the essay are difficult to understand due to unclear language.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples. They help support your points and make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both perspectives: rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior.
supported main points
Your use of motivation and encouragement as examples to support the points on rewarding behavior is commendable.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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