IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #people #care #think #service #government
Many governments around the world provide free medical services to their citizens.
While
 certain individuals argue that
people
 should pay for medical fees, others, including me believe that
health
 care services should be covered by the government. There are several reasons why
health
 insurance should be supported by governments.
Firstly
, In every
country
, there are some
people
, who suffer from severe poverty and can not afford to go to hospitals.
Due to
 the increasing cost of medications and other expenses,
such
 as cancer medications, which are known to be very expensive for low-income
people
.
Secondly
, if a number of
people
 can not pay for cures for their illnesses, the spread of new or vital diseases will be a major hazard in the
country
.
For example
, In 2014 Ebola disease affected a huge population of Mexican
people
.
In other words
, the leaders in every
country
 have to monitor their land and
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
show examples
health
 status to prevent any
health
 crises from happening.
Finally
, public
health
 is vital to
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 strength and other aspects of life,
such
 as education, nutrition safety, transportation and the availability of what we need in life. The government can only pay for the
health
 industry to enhance human rights and lives , but can not control their habits
Therefore
,I believe that the money from patients should
be go
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to healthy food and different types of exercise.
Submitted by hguwfhkd on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion needs to be stronger and more clearly summarize your main points.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid unnecessary details in your introduction; focus on setting up your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear argument in favor of government-funded medical services.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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