Instructions Read the question below and write an opinion essay. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

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it is argued that , at the

peresent

Correct your spelling

present

time famous

celebrities

Use synonyms

own fortune and appealing

apperance

Correct your spelling

appearance

rather than other talents .

this

Linking Words

can

contributes

Change the verb form

contribute

show examples

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

show examples

influence on minors . I

beleive

Correct your spelling

believe

that it can

affects

Change the verb form

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

juniors

Change noun form

juniors'

junior's

show examples

confidence and beliefs so

this

Linking Words

can

consider

Wrong verb form

be considered

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

deterimental

Correct your spelling

detrimental

for

Change preposition

show examples

them.

firstly

Linking Words

, lots of

celebrities

Use synonyms

are rich and attractive and they show off

Change preposition

show examples

the

advertisments

Correct your spelling

advertisements

and social media.

moreover

Linking Words

, their own focus is

this

Linking Words

kind of

things

Fix the agreement mistake

thing

show examples

instead

Linking Words

of pure

arts

Fix the agreement mistake

art

show examples

and

furthermore

Linking Words

, they can have

dramatically

Change the adverb

dramatic

show examples

effects on

Correct article usage

the youger

show examples

youger

Correct your spelling

younger

generation , because young

people

Use synonyms

are

intersted

Correct your spelling

interested

in them and because they are biased fans

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it can cause imitation . imitation in

this

Linking Words

age is widespread and

also

Linking Words

perilous , because of

thier

Correct your spelling

their

few

experinces

Correct your spelling

experiences

experience

they can not defect

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

accurate behaviours.

for example

Linking Words

, lots of teenagers are smoking nowadays because smoking

in particular

Linking Words

in music

vedios

Correct your spelling

videos

is very

trend

Replace the word

trendy

show examples

secondly

Linking Words

, influencers do not display everything and sometimes they edit their pictures

for having

Change preposition

to have

show examples

a better body or it is apparent that some of them exaggerate about their expenses and incomes ,

therefore

Linking Words

they show an outstanding picture of life .

this

Linking Words

can lead to comparison among young

people

Use synonyms

ans

Correct your spelling

and

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of confidence

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they consider that they are not as perfect and lavish as

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other

people

Use synonyms

for instance

Linking Words

, lots of girls are efforting to have

Correct your spelling

severe

sereve

Correct your spelling

several

diets because

Correct your spelling

their

thier

Correct your spelling

their

ideal

bodyshapes

Correct your spelling

body shapes

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

Correct your spelling

affected

affacted

Correct your spelling

affected

inaccurate

Add an article

an inaccurate

the inaccurate

show examples

image

Fix the agreement mistake

images

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

celebrities

Use synonyms

in conclusion ,

celebrities

Use synonyms

are a bad example for pursuing specifically for minors .

Change the capitalization

show examples

think

fallowing

Correct your spelling

following

show examples

Linking Words

this kind

Fix the agreement mistake

these kinds

show examples

people

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

are famous because of money and beauty can mitigate

youngers

Correct your spelling

younger

show examples

confidence and can cause some bad

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

yasaman.bozorgzad9Sat Jun 22 2024

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grammar

Pay attention to grammar, spelling, and punctuation. For example, 'at the peresent time' should be 'at present,' 'can contributes' should be 'can contribute,' and 'this can consider as' should be 'this can be considered as.'

thesis statement

Improve the thesis statement and make your stance clear. For example, 'I believe that this trend can negatively affect young people's confidence and beliefs, so it should be considered detrimental to their development.'

cohesion

Use more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of 'firstly,' you can use 'Firstly,' and instead of 'moreover,' try 'Moreover.' Make sure your ideas flow logically from one to another.

supporting details

Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. For example, when discussing the influence of edited pictures, you could elaborate on how photo-editing apps contribute to unrealistic beauty standards.

task response

You have made a good effort by providing examples to support your points about the negative influence of celebrities on young people, such as smoking and body image issues.

structure

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

cohesion

The use of some cohesive devices like 'firstly' and 'secondly' helps to organize your ideas.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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