IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions? (

#places #people
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There are many reasons why young
people
Use synonyms
 find it difficult to communicate with older
people
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. I would like to give you a few examples. The young
people
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 nowadays use a lot of slang and speak very quickly. Some older
people
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 cannot understand
this
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 slang and have problems catching their words. So young
people
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 prefer talking to their friends who understand them better. In our society, young
people
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 are taught to pay respect to older
people
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 including their thinking and doing. Because life is more competitive, they lose a sense of respect and less rely on older
people
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. They have more self-confidence and often see that older
people
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's opinions are outdated.
On the other hand
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, older
people
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 sometimes make it difficult for young
people
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 to come close to them and benefit from their experiences.
This
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 can see no development of stronger relationships between the generations. These communication gaps look funny but have a lot of impacts on our society. Both young and older
people
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 need to learn from each other. As the world changes, we all have to adapt ourselves to the new way of life, get
along with
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 new technology, and be open-minded to different cultures. By combining the best of the old and new things, we can create an environment where everyone can live happily together.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, but it would benefit from a more structured introduction and conclusion to frame your ideas better.
task achievement
While your main points are supported, try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking phrases and transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Review your paragraph structure to ensure each one focuses on a single clear idea. This will enhance the logical flow of your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic comprehensively with relevant points concerning both young and older people's attitudes and behaviors.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logical and well-connected, demonstrating a solid understanding of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological proficiency
  • communication gap
  • digital tools
  • worldviews
  • common ground
  • contemporary slang
  • informal language
  • misunderstandings
  • social hierarchy
  • cultural norms
  • stereotypes
  • prejudices
  • open communication
  • out of touch
  • inexperienced
  • effective communication
  • intergenerational programs
  • cross-generational activities
  • mutual respect
  • active listening
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