Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behavior. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.
Some people prefer to encourage
children
for their good behavior
, Change the spelling
behaviour
however
, other
believe that they should be punished for their Fix the agreement mistake
others
manner
. In my opinion, Fix the agreement mistake
manners
children
deserve encouragement when they are acting good and appropriate.
To begin
with, kids are really sensitive to way that the adult
behave with themFix the agreement mistake
adults
,
and would like to see positive Remove the comma
apply
reacts
when they are doing well. When Replace the word
reactions
children
try to have good manner
, it is really important for them to be encouraged by others. Fix the agreement mistake
manners
For example
, when they share a thing, like their toy, with their peers, they would be so happy to hear from their parents that they do a respective work. So, they would have a tendency in future to this
work.
Add a missing verb
do this
In
the other hand, Change preposition
On
a
population think that Correct article usage
the
young
generation should be punished for their bad Correct article usage
the young
treatments
. Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
This
group, believe that if children
receive punishment for their wrong actions, they would do not that again. In other words
, they will find out that this
practice is not suitable, hence
there would be a low risk
manner like that in future. Add a hyphen
low-risk
However
, giving physical and verbal punishment to children
could have really terrific consequences like lowering their self-confidence and making them stubborn.
In conclusion, there are people who would like to cheer the children
for their right actions, in contrast
, others prefer to punish them for their bad behavior
. I believe that cheering kids when they are acting well is good because, Change the spelling
behaviour
make
them Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
to
do that again, but, punishment could be dangerous, as it would Change the verb form
apply
treat
their self-confidence and Verb problem
affect
making
them stubborn in future.Wrong verb form
make
Submitted by tina83at on
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task achievement
While the essay introduces the topic and states a clear opinion, it would benefit from a more comprehensive and well-balanced discussion of both views. Include more specific examples and explanations for both encouragement and punishment perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. There are several small errors that impede the flow and clarity of the essay. Regular practice and possibly writing improvement tools can help.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are fully developed. Expanding on each point with additional details or examples can significantly strengthen your argument. Also, ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
You have presented your opinion clearly in both the introduction and conclusion, which is an essential aspect of a strong essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as children sharing toys, is effective in illustrating your points, although more concrete examples would further enhance your argument.