Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behavior. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

Some people prefer to encourage
children
for their good
behavior
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behaviour
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,
however
,
other
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others
show examples
believe that they should be punished for their
manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
show examples
. In my opinion,
children
deserve encouragement when they are acting good and appropriate.
To begin
with, kids are really sensitive to way that the
adult
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adults
show examples
behave with them
,
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apply
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and would like to see positive
reacts
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reactions
show examples
when they are doing well. When
children
try to have good
manner
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manners
show examples
, it is really important for them to be encouraged by others.
For example
, when they share a thing, like their toy, with their peers, they would be so happy to hear from their parents that they do a respective work. So, they would have a tendency in future to
this
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do this
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work.
In
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On
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the other hand,
a
Correct article usage
the
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population think that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation should be punished for their bad
treatments
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treatment
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.
This
group, believe that if
children
receive punishment for their wrong actions, they would do not that again.
In other words
, they will find out that
this
practice is not suitable,
hence
there would be a
low risk
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low-risk
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manner like that in future.
However
, giving physical and verbal punishment to
children
could have really terrific consequences like lowering their self-confidence and making them stubborn. In conclusion, there are people who would like to cheer the
children
for their right actions,
in contrast
, others prefer to punish them for their bad
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. I believe that cheering kids when they are acting well is good because,
make
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makes
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them
to
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apply
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do that again, but, punishment could be dangerous, as it would
treat
Verb problem
affect
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their self-confidence and
making
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make
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them stubborn in future.
Submitted by tina83at on

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task achievement
While the essay introduces the topic and states a clear opinion, it would benefit from a more comprehensive and well-balanced discussion of both views. Include more specific examples and explanations for both encouragement and punishment perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. There are several small errors that impede the flow and clarity of the essay. Regular practice and possibly writing improvement tools can help.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are fully developed. Expanding on each point with additional details or examples can significantly strengthen your argument. Also, ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
You have presented your opinion clearly in both the introduction and conclusion, which is an essential aspect of a strong essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as children sharing toys, is effective in illustrating your points, although more concrete examples would further enhance your argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Behavioral motivation
  • Praise
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Internal discipline
  • Consequences
  • Time-outs
  • Removal of privileges
  • Logical consequences
  • Psychological effects
  • Child-parent relationship
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Consistency
  • Fairness
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