Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behavior. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some people prefer to encourage

children

Use synonyms

for their good

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

however

Linking Words

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

believe that they should be punished for their

manner

Fix the agreement mistake

manners

show examples

. In my opinion,

children

Use synonyms

deserve encouragement when they are acting good and appropriate.

To begin

Linking Words

with, kids are really sensitive to way that the

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

behave with them

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and would like to see positive

reacts

Replace the word

reactions

show examples

when they are doing well. When

children

Use synonyms

try to have good

manner

Fix the agreement mistake

manners

show examples

, it is really important for them to be encouraged by others.

For example

Linking Words

, when they share a thing, like their toy, with their peers, they would be so happy to hear from their parents that they do a respective work. So, they would have a tendency in future to

Linking Words

this

Add a missing verb

do this

show examples

work.

Change preposition

show examples

the other hand,

Correct article usage

the

show examples

population think that

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation should be punished for their bad

treatments

Fix the agreement mistake

treatment

show examples

This

Linking Words

group, believe that if

children

Use synonyms

receive punishment for their wrong actions, they would do not that again.

In other words

Linking Words

, they will find out that

this

Linking Words

practice is not suitable,

hence

Linking Words

there would be a

low risk

Add a hyphen

low-risk

show examples

manner like that in future.

However

Linking Words

, giving physical and verbal punishment to

children

Use synonyms

could have really terrific consequences like lowering their self-confidence and making them stubborn. In conclusion, there are people who would like to cheer the

children

Use synonyms

for their right actions,

in contrast

Linking Words

, others prefer to punish them for their bad

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. I believe that cheering kids when they are acting well is good because,

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

do that again, but, punishment could be dangerous, as it would

treat

Verb problem

affect

show examples

their self-confidence and

making

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

them stubborn in future.

tina83atSun Jun 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

While the essay introduces the topic and states a clear opinion, it would benefit from a more comprehensive and well-balanced discussion of both views. Include more specific examples and explanations for both encouragement and punishment perspectives.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. There are several small errors that impede the flow and clarity of the essay. Regular practice and possibly writing improvement tools can help.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your paragraphs are fully developed. Expanding on each point with additional details or examples can significantly strengthen your argument. Also, ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

task achievement

You have presented your opinion clearly in both the introduction and conclusion, which is an essential aspect of a strong essay.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The use of examples, such as children sharing toys, is effective in illustrating your points, although more concrete examples would further enhance your argument.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Positive reinforcement
Behavioral motivation
Praise
Extrinsic motivation
Internal discipline
Consequences
Time-outs
Removal of privileges
Logical consequences
Psychological effects
Child-parent relationship
Negative reinforcement
Consistency
Fairness

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Nowadays, many people use the Internet to get medical advice instead of going to see a doctor. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, an increasing number of individuals turn to the internet for medical advice rather than seeking consultation with a healthcare professional. This trend, while seemingly convenient, presents significant risks and drawbacks. In this essay, I will discuss why this shift towards online medical advice is detrimental and argue that it represents a negative development.
7
band
In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people argue that the practice of children starting part-time jobs potentially perpetuates child labour even if these are done during their summer break. Opponents argue working is a good opportunity for school children to experience a variety of things. Although this practice has negative and positive aspects, I agree with the latter opinion in terms of the risks of exploitation and educational distractions they may face.
7.5
band
Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?
There has been an ongoing debate regarding the lack of female representatives in the structure of companies, especially in higher-level positions. Many have adopted the view that it should be mandatory for firms to assign a significant share of women to those jobs and I am a strong proponent of that idea.
6
band
Last week you were on a flight to London. Unfortunately, when you got off the plane, you left a bag there. You did not remember about the bag until you got to your hotel. Write a letter to the airline. In your letter explain what has happened describe the bag and its contents say what you would like them to do about this problem
I am writing to enquire that a bag lost during my return to London from Colombo.
6
band
A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not wellmanaged. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of tourism.
Plenty of areas across the globe depend on tourism as a major source of earning, unexpectedly, tourism might be a source of issues if it is not properly organized. Creating employment scope and improving infrastructure are the main advantages of tourism. However, generating pollution and rising living costs are the major drawbacks of tourism.

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behavior. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

Nowadays, many people use the Internet to get medical advice instead of going to see a doctor. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not wellmanaged. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of tourism.