IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The plans below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #layout #university’s #sports #centre #redevelopment #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The maps depict some developments which will be applied
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a university’s
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 centre.
Overall
, many amenities will be added to the
sports
 centre
such
 as an extra
pool
, a
sports
 hall and dance studios.
Moreover
, the size of the gym will be expanded.
To begin
 with, a large leisure
pool
 which includes a changing room will be added on the left
side
 of the
map
.
Moreover
, a café and a
sports
 shop will be constructed on the
right
 and left sides of the entrance respectively,
furthermore
, two dance studios will be developed on the
right
side
 of the
map
, just
besides
Replace the word
beside
show examples
 the
sports
 hall. Similar to the left
side
 of the
map
, an extra changing room is going to be built on the
right
side
 of the
map
,
right
 near the café.
In addition
, the location of the reception will remain the same and
also
 the main 25m
pool
.
Similarly
, the changing room which is attached to the main
pool
 will remain at the same location.
Moreover
, a place for seating will be considered near the
pool
 as same as the old centre. It is worth noting that the gym will be rebuilt to increase its size.
Submitted by amirahmadi9301 on

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coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your paragraphs follow a logical order. You could, for example, first describe all the existing facilities that remain unchanged, followed by all the new developments. This would create a more organized structure.
task achievement
For task response, ensure that all the key features of the maps are discussed comprehensively. While you mentioned most of the changes, some additional detail on the expansion of the gym and new sports facilities could strengthen your response.
task achievement
As you work on clarity and comprehensive ideas, it's important to use varied sentence structures and more advanced vocabulary. This helps demonstrate a higher level of proficiency in communicating your points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay shows an understanding of the essential changes and developments planned for the sports center, covering many of the new features comprehensively.
coherence and cohesion
The use of paragraphs and logical transitions helps to guide the reader through the information presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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