Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation.why might this be the case?what could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?
Many people believe that running a
business
is better than working as an employee in a company. The main reason is the flexibility that they can get from it. I oppose this
view with arguments in the following paragraphs.
First of all, it is true that self-employed give
some benefits. We can build our own Wrong verb form
gives
business
, almost exactly like our expectation
. We can choose the brand logo and design the workplace Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
as
our preferences, even the working hours. Change preposition
according to
Additionally
, the money is managed directly by us. However
, doing a
Correct article usage
apply
business
without deep knowledge could be a big problem for us, especially in financial and law aspects. For example
, some people went bankrupt and were jailed after the government found that the group did not pay the tax.
On the other hand
, being an employee in an established company is an excellent option for us to study how the business
works. We can explore the end-to-end business
from many aspects such
as finance, organization, sales & marketing, and operations. As an example, we can get lesson
learned from the leaders about their experiences, how they make decisions, and problem-solving. Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
Then
, after at least a minimum of 5 years of working, I believe we can choose what is more suitable for us, whether being a professional or businessman. With this
condition, we are more ready to start a new business
.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that working in the company is essential for us to gain more knowledge and experience about how to control the business
. It will decrease our chance of getting the organization to collapse,Submitted by vito.naufal on
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task response
Your task response is generally good, but you should ensure that you fully address all aspects of the question. Discuss both the reasons people might choose self-employment and the disadvantages more evenly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, but you should aim to provide a clearer introduction that succinctly states your main argument. Similarly, your conclusion should effectively summarize your key points.
task response
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and substantive.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. For instance, explicitly state how one idea leads to the next to make your writing more cohesive.
task response
Your essay presents well-thought-out arguments and addresses both sides of the issue. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
task response
The main points in the body paragraphs are well-supported, and you provide clear ideas on each side of the argument. This maintains reader engagement and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your use of language is generally clear and precise, making your arguments easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?