IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation.why might this be the case?what could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that running a
business
Use synonyms
 is better than working as an employee in a company. The main reason is the flexibility that they can get from it. I oppose
this
Linking Words
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs. First of all, it is true that self-employed
give
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 some benefits. We can build our own
business
Use synonyms
, almost exactly like our
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
. We can choose the brand logo and design the workplace
as
Change preposition
according to
show examples
 our preferences, even the working hours.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the money is managed directly by us.
However
Linking Words
, doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 without deep knowledge could be a big problem for us, especially in financial and law aspects.
For example
Linking Words
, some people went bankrupt and were jailed after the government found that the group did not pay the tax.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, being an employee in an established company is an excellent option for us to study how the
business
Use synonyms
 works. We can explore the end-to-end
business
Use synonyms
 from many aspects
such
Linking Words
 as finance, organization, sales & marketing, and operations. As an example, we can get
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 learned from the leaders about their experiences, how they make decisions, and problem-solving.
Then
Linking Words
, after at least a minimum of 5 years of working, I believe we can choose what is more suitable for us, whether being a professional or businessman. With
this
Linking Words
 condition, we are more ready to start a new
business
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that working in the company is essential for us to gain more knowledge and experience about how to control the
business
Use synonyms
. It will decrease our chance of getting the organization to collapse,

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your task response is generally good, but you should ensure that you fully address all aspects of the question. Discuss both the reasons people might choose self-employment and the disadvantages more evenly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, but you should aim to provide a clearer introduction that succinctly states your main argument. Similarly, your conclusion should effectively summarize your key points.
task response
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and substantive.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. For instance, explicitly state how one idea leads to the next to make your writing more cohesive.
task response
Your essay presents well-thought-out arguments and addresses both sides of the issue. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
task response
The main points in the body paragraphs are well-supported, and you provide clear ideas on each side of the argument. This maintains reader engagement and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your use of language is generally clear and precise, making your arguments easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: