IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produce films. Why is this? Do you think the government should spend more money supporting the local film industry?

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Cinematography is an integral part of
culture
Add an article
the culture
a culture
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 of almost every nation in the modern society.
That is
Linking Words
 why the
movie
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
got
Verb problem
has
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 a significant
development
Use synonyms
 in many states throughout the
last
Linking Words
 decades.
Hence
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, nowadays almost
each
Change the determiner
every
show examples
 country can produce its own films.
However
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, in many
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 locals choose to watch the
movies
Use synonyms
 produced abroad rather than those that were made in their own country. In
this
Linking Words
 essay the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 tendency
together with
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 the opinion
whether
Change preposition
on whether
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 it is necessary for the authorities to give donations to the domestic
film
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
 or not are going to be expressed. The main reason
lying
Verb problem
apply
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behind the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign
movies
Use synonyms
 are mostly more popular is that they are considered to be better produced, montaged, and written.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the way and level of acting
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 seemed to be better.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Hollywood films are known worldwide and recognized as the best
among
Change preposition
in
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 the whole
film
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
due to
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 the fact that they usually win different international awards as
Oscar
Fix the agreement mistake
Oscars
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 or
Emmy
Fix the agreement mistake
Emmys
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. In the year
of
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apply
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2023
Add a comma
2023,
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 the Hollywood
movie
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 Everything Everywhere at Once was chosen as the best one
according to
Linking Words
 the
Movie
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 Academy Award following the success of
this
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 picture another
Hollywood produced
Add a hyphen
Hollywood-produced
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film
Use synonyms
 Oppenheimer was selected as the best one in the next year.
Therefore
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, the recognition from famous and prestigious awards can make people
to
Change the verb form
apply
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prefer watching foreign
movies
Use synonyms
 rather than the local ones. Speaking about the
developing
Replace the word
development
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 of the local
film
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
, the government should support and provide all the means and resources for its
development
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 as it can not only help to express national and cultural ideas among the population but
also
Linking Words
 it can boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth in the cultural sphere. South Korea,
for instance
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, began to focus on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cultural
export
Fix the agreement mistake
exports
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 in the 1990s, which has resulted in the rapidly growing popularity of
so-called
Correct article usage
the so-called
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 Korean Wave.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon has influenced
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
supporting
Replace the word
support
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 of the local entertainment companies and
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
development
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 of
movie
Use synonyms
 production as well.
As a result
Linking Words
, the South Korean
movies
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
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 become quite famous abroad.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the South Korean
movie
Use synonyms
 Parasites even got
the
Correct article usage
an
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 Oscar award recently.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it has resulted in the growing
movie
Use synonyms
 export
that is
Linking Words
 bringing a lot of money to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Korea
as well as
Linking Words
 attracting many tourists to
this
Linking Words
 country yearly. So, the
development
Use synonyms
 of domestic entertainment industries can improve the local economy
as well as
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 share its national ideas, values and traditions. In conclusion, it is important to mention that even though almost any modern state
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
 today
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local films usually do not have
an
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 extremely success among locals as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign ones
.
Add a missing verb
do.
show examples
 One of the reasons is that they are not so recognized by critics worldwide. But if the state contributes
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
development
Use synonyms
 of its own
movie
Use synonyms
 creation
industry
Use synonyms
 it may lead to its
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 even in other countries and bring fruitful economic outcomes.

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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, instead of using 'hence' and 'however' in close succession in the introduction, consider using different transition words for variation (e.g., 'Consequently' or 'Nevertheless').
coherence cohesion
The sentence structures could be slightly varied to enhance readability. For example, instead of 'The main reason lying behind the fact that the foreign movies are mostly more popular is that...', try 'One primary reason foreign movies are more popular is that...'.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has supported arguments with relevant examples, aim for a smoother flow by connecting ideas within paragraphs seamlessly. This can be achieved by using linking words and phrases more effectively (e.g., 'Due to this...' or 'As a consequence...').
task achievement
While the essay effectively answers the prompt and uses specific examples (e.g., Hollywood films, South Korean cinema), further elaboration on how government support can improve local films' competitive edge would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Clarify certain sentences to avoid ambiguity. For instance, instead of 'This phenomenon has influenced on the supporting of the local entertainment companies and on the development of movie production as well,' which is somewhat convoluted, try 'This phenomenon has influenced support for local entertainment companies and the growth of movie production.'
task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the task, addressing why foreign films are preferred and the potential benefits of government support for the local film industry.
task achievement
Strong and relevant examples are used throughout the essay to support the arguments, such as mentioning Hollywood films and South Korea's cultural export.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that are logically developed, and a succinct conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the argument made in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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