IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #species #animals #risk
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There is no doubt that these days many species of
animals
 face
extinction
, and the rest are close to being extinct soon. There are several reasons behind
this
 phenomenon.
Firstly
, environmental pollution is one of the main reasons for some
species
Change noun form
specy's
species'
show examples
extinction
. Especially, sea pollution where chemical liquid
leak
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leaks
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 from factories or ships that transport oil and other chemical contents in oceans.In consequence, a huge number of sea creatures have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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died
due to
 contamination.
Secondly
, the wight bear is facing threats because of climate change in areas with freezing temperatures turning to be warmer.
In other words
, a lot of
animals
 used to live in cold weather will be harmed if they move to a warm weather area.
Finally
, the most important reason that we can control to stop the vast death of
animals
 is random hunting by humans. One clear example is that in the past pandas were the most hunted species in the world, and that led to
near
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the near
a near
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extinction
 of the pandas. Until
,
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apply
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 global legislation was set by different countries to prevent hunters by putting strict rules and punishing illegal hunting.
Moreover
, China has built several reservations that provide a safe environment and medical care to help the pandas
to
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apply
show examples
reproduce.
Furthermore
, animal rights activists are considered as knowledge sources to educate other people about animal rights. In conclusion,
animals
 will continue to face vast death
problem
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problems
show examples
 unless humans take steps and set clear rules to prevent
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
extinction
.
Submitted by hguwfhkd on

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more convincing and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of the ideas presented. Consider elaborating on each reason and possible solution to provide a thorough response.
coherence cohesion
Work on the introduction to more clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will improve the logical flow of the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main points related to the causes of animal extinction and suggests potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph addressing a specific reason for animal extinction or a potential solution. This helps to maintain clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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