IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

#overpopulation #areas #two #ones #governments #individuals
Nowadays,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population creates more and more
problems
. In many countries, emerging issues are different
shuch
Correct your spelling
such
 as polluted
air
 or
traffic
congestion
. Even though there are many matters, these
problems
 have solutions. Among the problem aspects of it, many people want to purchase increasingly new cars.
Although
 it is beneficial for inhabitants, providing
traffic
congestion
. Suppose
city
Correct article usage
a city
show examples
 has many transports, not only
traffic
congestion
 but
also
 dirty
air
 appear in the environment.
Moreover
,
Breath from
Correct your spelling
Breathing
show examples
 dirty
air
 will be  harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 everyone's health.
Consequently
, individuals will be
more sick
Correct word choice
sicker
show examples
 than past. It offers inadequate health.
That is
 they cannot do anything. If many humans are sick, spending much money
need
Wrong verb form
is needed
show examples
 for them.
This
 condition led to damage
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 budget. All of the above are
problems
 of overpopulation.
Although
 there are
inreasingly
Correct your spelling
increasing
 matters, we can see measures for tackling these
problems
.
For example
,  using public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
,
resisting
Correct word choice
and resisting
show examples
traffic
congestion
.
Moreover
, one day of
week
Add an article
the week
show examples
 will be "unusing from own cars" which is useful.
Furthermore
, governments should care
e-commerce
Change preposition
about e-commerce
show examples
,
online
Correct word choice
and online
show examples
 shopping,
proving
Verb problem
providing
show examples
 both
order
Change to a plural noun
orders
show examples
 on the road and convenience for busy humans. E-commerce and public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 complete dirty
air
.
Trough
Correct your spelling
Through
show examples
this
 people's health will be well. Suppose governments use these tackles, many
problems
 do not prevent
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living in the city. Urban areas
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
Correct article usage
an increasingly
show examples
increasingly
Change the word
increasing
show examples
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 which composes many
problems
 with environmental
problems
 or
halthcare
Correct your spelling
health care
.
While
 there are issues of dirty
air
traffic
congestion
, unusing from own cars
day
Correct determiner usage
every day
show examples
, public transport or e-commerce and online shopping will be unraveling for them.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on your logical structures to link ideas more coherently. Consider using transition words like 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'as a result' more frequently.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For example, instead of saying 'many people want to purchase increasingly new cars,' you could mention actual statistics or studies that show the increase in car ownership in urban areas.
general
There are several grammatical and spelling errors that need to be addressed. For instance, 'inreasingly' should be 'increasingly', 'unusing from own cars' should be 'not using personal cars,' and 'emerging issues are different shuch as' should be 'emerging issues such as.'
task achievement
You’ve clearly identified the issues related to overpopulation in urban areas, such as traffic congestion and air pollution.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a structured introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion effectively.
task achievement
You suggest practical solutions, like promoting public transport and online shopping, which are relevant to the problems identified.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on infrastructure
  • public services
  • overcrowded
  • inadequate healthcare services
  • pressure on educational institutions
  • environmental impact
  • increased pollution
  • waste management
  • destruction of green spaces
  • natural habitats
What to do next:
Look at other essays: