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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the percentage ofhouseholds with different kinds of technology in theU.S.from 1995 to 1999.Summarize the informationby selecting and reporting the main features, andmake comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage ofhouseholds with different kinds of technology in theU.S.from 1995 to 1999.Summarize the informationby selecting and reporting the main features, andmake comparisons where relevant.
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The given line chart illustrates the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S from 1995 to 1999,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 DVD players were the lowest type of technology owned by a household in 1999 with approximately 40 % of households. First of all, washing machines
is
Wrong verb form
were
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 the most popular technological device in all five years and witnessed a 20% increase between 1995 and 1999,
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of computers in houses
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 jumped significantly as shown in the line chart.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, computers were
second
Correct article usage
the second
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 most common electronics in households until 1998,
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, suddenly in the middle of 1998 the rate of phones took over second place.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 means in 1999
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 we
third
Correct article usage
the third
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 common device. In conclusion, DVD players were the least technology owned in a household,
Whereas
Linking Words
 washing machines were the most common.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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